Paris Hilton Is A Terrible Singer

December 2nd, 2005 // 18 Comments

She’s right up there with Jennifer Lopez in vocal quality. Listen to Paris sing (you know you want to) the future classics “Screwed,” “Don’t Touch It,” “Hand On My Heart,” and “Sooner or Later.”

Paris Whitney Hilton, a sucessful model, actress, designer, and now musician, is thrilled to release her debut album “1 Crazy Party” on her very own label, Heiress Records. Ms. Hilton’s first single “Turn It Up” is a sassy slice of electro pop that will no doubt reach the number one spot on charts all around the globe. Paris has worked with world famous producers and writers over the last year, and has produced one of those “must hear” records where every song is a hit. “I wanted to record something personal, something that has meaning to me, and I think this CD will show my fans that I value them and that singing has always been one of my huge passions,” says the socialite herself. The album will also feature the smash hit “Screwed,” “All the Boys Are Chasing Me,” and “9 Times out of 10.”

Lyrically, this is cutting edge stuff. Bestow this woman with endless Grammy’s.

UPDATE: Apparently the site is a fake. So I guess we’ll have to hold off the Paris singing bashing until later.

By Miu von Furstenberg
  1. Ldysunfyre

    Yanno, I actually wanted to like these songs because I didn’t want to just jump completely onto the “I HATE PARIS” bandwagon; but my god, these songs are atrocious. I mean, her voice is a bad mixture of Britney Spears and Jewel drunkenly singing in a shower or something. The songs are very basic and sounds almost as if they’re composed with the on-board beats/melodies that are programmed into someone’s little sister’s $100 keyboard from Wal-mart.

    There is NO way any of these songs are going to “reach the number one spot on charts all around the globe” unless each country has its own “Shittiest Songs We’re Unfortunately Exposed To” chart.

    Sounds like she wasted a lot of people’s time.

  2. Cynthia

    I don’t want to jump on the I-Hate-Paris band wagon either. I want to drive the damn thing! This no-talent, self-absorbed moron is a waste of everybody’s time. I wish she would go away already!

  3. Ldysunfyre

    *LMAO* Ok, so I’ll be a passenger. She sux ass.

  4. KittyLiterati

    I heard that Paris Hilton’s vagina actually performs the vocals on this album.
    So, I must give her credit for pulling that one out of her bag of tricks.

  5. j'talia.is.fierce

    i heard the album was originally called
    “confessions of a defiled whore”

  6. Beez

    Paris. Singing. So painful. Ears bleeding. Make her stop.

  7. Ldysunfyre

    Kitty,

    I’m sure it’s the first of many bad things to come out of that vagina.

  8. christina_the_wench

    So the I~Hate~Paris bus is filling up fast. Weeeee! Here’s my ticket…

    My insurance doesn’t cover maiming one’s self, which is what it would take for me to click that link.

  9. Ldysunfyre

    5 observations about the pics:

    1. Looks like she’s got her hand on his package in the first clickable one.
    2. She is showing a slight bit of nip in the second clickable one.
    3. Her fingers are very contorted in a couple of the pics.
    4. She is obviously completely fucked up on something.
    5. Paris is a complete and utter drugged-up whore.

  10. JerseyGirl

    It’s a fake myspace. The story’s on PerezHilton.com

  11. Ldysunfyre

    The site may be a fake, but the songs are real. This link is from eonline from back in 2004. “Screwed” is a Paris Hilton song. http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,14763,00.html

  12. Cynthia

    Screwed, heh? Well, I guess it’s good that at least she is singing about something she knows about. There aren’t too many things out there that she does know about…..

  13. “No, really…Charles(hickup)…Charles wanted to be Camilla’s(hickup)tampon! That’s sooo hot…”

  14. “No, really…Charles(hickup)…Charles wanted to be Camilla’s(hickup)tampon! That’s sooo hot…”

  15. “No, really…Charles(hickup)…Charles wanted to be Camilla’s(hickup)tampon! That’s sooo hot…”

  16. LizPhairian

    EH… I got nothing. Wait..”best Garish Hilton voice” “Uh my new album, it’s going to sound like Blondie” SHEESUS CHRIST more like some sort of crazed drunken pelican having a seizure next to a theremin, or some other equally noisy noisemaker. P>S “Garish Hilton” is a registered trademark of me.

  17. GO PARIS!

    well every, wot can i say? other than maybe u should listen the the song b4 u bag it out!!!! ok its called screwed, about a guy who likes a girl but the girl doesnt like the guy she he is SCREWED! all i hav 2 say is GO PARIS U ROCK GIRL!!!

  18. Mimimel

    I lije the songs.. i love Screwed.. it´s fantastic!!! i can´t wait the album… i want it now!!!!!!!1

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