Paris Hilton Forgets She Has A Boyfriend

July 16th, 2008 // 4 Comments

I thought this nasty penis-hopping tramp was happy with Igor, and looking for a baby?!? Paris Hilton was reportedly turned down
by soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo at Villa on Tuesday night. Well, when
a girl has an attack force of crabs heralding her approach, it’s
usually going to result in a “no, thanks.” And a “please take ten steps
back.” And “can I get the same scrubdown that Meryl Streep had in Silkwood?”

Ronaldo’s on some business visit to the states, and Paris was said to have swung her nasty in his direction immediately

“Paris was all over him. The moment he arrived, she went over to his
private table. At one point, she pushed her chest together and made a
point of trying to snuggle up against him,” a source said.

He should have thrown holy water on her, staked her through the heart,
decapitated her, burned the remains, had a priest bless the ground, and
made sure to press crucifixes on the foreheads of all of his crew to
see if they hissed and flinched. If so, repeat.

He took a less dramatic approach and merely snubbed her. Ronaldo’s on
crutches, so he should have just started swinging. It probably wouldn’t
have worked though, she would have just vampirically flung herself onto the ceiling
and hissed at him while upside down.

Click any photo to view all 32 photos of Cristiano Ronaldo and Paris Hilton in the gallery! 


I thought this nasty penis-hopping tramp was happy with Igor, and looking for a baby?!? Paris Hilton was reportedly turned down
by soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo at Villa on Tuesday night. Well, when
a girl has an attack force of crabs heralding her approach, it’s
usually going to result in a “no, thanks.” And a “please take ten steps
back.” And “can I get the same scrubdown that Meryl Streep had in Silkwood?”

Ronaldo’s on some business visit to the states, and Paris was said to have swung her nasty in his direction immediately

“Paris was all over him. The moment he arrived, she went over to his
private table. At one point, she pushed her chest together and made a
point of trying to snuggle up against him,” a source said.

He should have thrown holy water on her, staked her through the heart,
decapitated her, burned the remains, had a priest bless the ground, and
made sure to press crucifixes on the foreheads of all of his crew to
see if they hissed and flinched. If so, repeat.

He took a less dramatic approach and merely snubbed her. Ronaldo’s on
crutches, so he should have just started swinging. It probably wouldn’t
have worked though, she would have just vampirically flung herself onto the ceiling
and hissed at him while upside down.Click any photo to view all 32 photos of Cristiano Ronaldo and Paris Hilton in the gallery!

By J. Harvey
  1. mali

    ROFLMFAO!!!!! that last sentence HAHAHAHAHA priceless

    Thanks J.!

  2. stepanie

    great job cristiano ronaldo!! not all american women are trash, you ave fabulous taste in women!

  3. Frida

    Well well, it appears Cristiano isn’t just hot but smart as well.

  4. Vera

    This story is pure fiction and has been denied by Ms Paris and her rep.
    She was in the club with her aunt and never even met Ronaldo.

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