Paris Hilton is a Changed Woman


The Paris Hilton emerging from jail after serving her sentence for violation of her probation will be a different Paris Hilton than the one who first entered so many days ago. In a recent 10-minute phone conversation with Ryan Seacrest, Paris Hilton revealed that her experience behind bars has helped her to realize that she’d now prefer to use her fame to help others.

“In a way, I’m really glad this happened, because it changed my life forever.”

“I just realize that the media used me to make fun of and be mean about,” she said. “Frankly, I’m sick of it. I want to use my fame in a good way.”

Well, good for her. But bad for us. The last thing I need is a reformed party girl doing boring things like helping orphans, or curing AIDS. But, hopefully, she’ll still somehow manage to F up philanthropy. Like throwing soup cans at the homeless from her car and literally killing them with kindness.