God Forbid

October 18th, 2007 // 11 Comments

Paris Hilton says that cryogenics could “extend her life by thousands and thousands of years”. She’s planning on getting frozen with her dogs and has invested large sums of money in the Cryogenics Institute. Can she go now? Seriously, get in the freezer, sweetie.

She wants her body to be preserved and then brought back to life, along with her favourite pets, including her famous Chihuahua Tinkerbell and new mutt, Yorkshire Terrier Cinderella.

‘The Simple Life’ star said: “It’s so cool. Almost all the cells in the body are still alive when death is pronounced.

“And if you’re immediately cooled, you can be perfectly preserved.

Hopefully, there’s a nuclear endtimes and some radioactive mutant comes upon this dumb bitch’s block of ice and thinks – frozen food! And eats her ass.


By J. Harvey

  1. Applespice

    Well… I feel sorry for the people that have to put up with her moronic ass in 100 years.

  2. stolidog

    Those poor dogs must be petrified at the thought of being frozen for eternity with this dumb whore.
    They’re probably like, just throw me on the fire, now!

  3. Darth Paul

    Hold up- she could actually end up saving humanity that way. If the radioactive mutants ate her, they’d likely die from her multiple VD strains. Also, have you seen Idiocracy? That’s a horrible thought, put in the Hilton context!!

  4. green cardigan

    To the person who owns the key of the freezer:

    If you lose the key, don’t give it a second thought.

  5. MardiGras

    I hear Michael Jackson is into that, too. Can you imagine those two whackos resurrecting themselves 1,000 years from now and they’re the only two people left on the planet? Jacko will freak because she’s not a 9-year old boy and she’ll freak because he’s a (kind-of) black man, and there won’t be any paparazzi to follow her around and she can’t get a Brazilian wax and Michael’s face starts melting and they starve to death.

  6. K.

    she has forced me to coin the term,”mankles.” enjoy.

  7. Qaa

    Clone woulbe better, save your spinalfluids for DNA, and record a tape

  8. Mr. Freeze

    “MardiGras” that was funny! :)

    “It’s so cool. Almost all the cells in the body are still alive when death is pronounced.”

    Um, I’m thinking “Pet Semetary” here. Anyone remember that mess? Even IF someone could be revived after cryogenics, I’m wondering about those other “cells” that didn’t make it? You know the ones? Those important ones that keep us from grabbing giant butcher knives and hacking everything in sight??

  9. Interloper

    The thing I think she fails to grasp here is, I assume when she dies she’ll be like…75 or something so when she is “brought back” should that be possible, she’ll still look 75. It’s awesome. It’s either that or die relatively soon so she can come back in a thousand years looking 26 and then we won’t have to see her fugly mug anymore and when she comes back we won’t be around to see it.

    Either way we win.

  10. enrique

    You guys are assholes…and Paris didn’t actually say anything like that.

    The pictures of her are hot though…

    That would be because she’s an artist and intelligent..making her hot.

    You’re just jealous…it sucks to be us compared to her…

  11. phoo bear

    I agree with
    pet semetary. One of my favorite movies by King. Evidently A lot of thought and feeling went into that movie.

    I have the same question as well Mr. Freeze.
    Not to mention.. People from the past wont be able to deal with the structure of the future.

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