Oh Marone, Teresa. The Onyx Has Put You In Debt

Real Housewives
of Dirty Jerz’s Teresa Giudice is bankrupt, and everybody knows it.  Never one to let her fabulous feathers be ruffled (ignore that table-flipping incident), Teresa spoke to Naughty But Nice’s Rob Shuter yesterday about the tough pill she and her family have had to swallow since news broke.  I think Teresa’s a hoot, but her answers to Shuter’s questions are very PR-spun.

When Shuter asked her about the elaborate shopping sprees she took her three girls on throughout the series, Giudice reminded him that the cameras have been rolling for three years and the economy has changed a lot in that time.  False.  Good or bad economy, no one should be spending that amount of money on children’s clothing.  Children spill juice on that clothing.  Get thee to Loehmann’s, woman. 

Giudice stressed the importance of family, tightening the financial belt, and her new book Skinny Italian.  I suppose now is as good a time as any to push sales.

Let’s break down the facts of the bankruptcy filing, shall we?  Who doesn’t love a post filled with bullet points.

  • Teresa and her husband, Joe, owe $11 million in a number of debts.
  • Papers, filed in Newark Federal Court, state the Guidices only make $79,000 a year between the two of them.  Hmm.  $79K and Joe owns a business? And there are gold wings on the front door of your Fischer Price castle?  That number is just…so Jersey (I have friends from Jersey. I have a state pass that allows me to make fun.  Plus, I’m a Masshole, so I’ve taken my share of abuse).
  • The bank is foreclosing on their $1.8 Fischer Price castle in Towaco, NJ (Come on. It’s got onyx!).
  • Banks have also taken their Jersey Shore home and another residence in Lincoln Park, NJ.
  • Teresa owes $12,000 to a fertility clinic.
  • They’ve defaulted on payments for their Escalade.  What’s wrong with a minivan, people?
  • Joe owes more than $5 million to former partners of real estate deals.

What’s that you say? What will become of the castle in the clouds now that the Giudices have to jump ship? Glad you asked, because E! has the lowdown on your new casa di fountains.

The custom-designed house sits on 3.77 acres of wooded property, and boasts 16 rooms (six bedrooms, five and a half baths, laundry room, home office and den, game room, gourmet kitchen with a separate area for dining and breakfast, wine room, separate live-in guest suite, separate family and great rooms, and maid quarters).  The property also has two ponds, a stream and a man-made waterfall, three fireplaces,  and a three-car garage for marinara production.  All this can be yours for $3,999,00.  Hollah!

In happier of times and fabulousity, Teresa attended the May 3rd Real Housewives Of New Jersey season two premiere at the Brownstone in Paterson, NJ. Beware of the ham fight!

Oh, Housewives.  If it’s not a sex tap, it’s a money problem.  Vicki Gunvalson is coming out of 2010 smelling of roses.