“No, Sweetie, We Had You So Mommy Didn’t Have To Go To Jail….”

“…but don’t worry, we eventually fell in love with you after our partying days were over. Now fetch Mommy a gin and tonic.” Nicole Richie is reportedly pregnant, and sources are saying she got knocked up to hopefully avoid jail. That’s sorta selfish. It’s bad enough to bring a kid into your world when you’re a self-absorbed ano with drug problems but now you’re going to use it as a shield in court. If I was in her womb, I’d miscarry myself!

Nicole Richie is being coy on the question of whether she’s pregnant, but a good pal of hers says she’s definitely carrying Joel Madden’s love spawn. “Nicole is kind of hoping her pregnancy will keep her out of jail,” the friend said. Richie is facing time due to a DWI arrest earlier this year. But friends are concerned and “wondering if she can carry the baby to term because of her weight issues,” we’re told. A rep for Richie didn’t return calls.

Seriously, I’m guessing the baby can’t exist on Pall Malls and shredded tissues. It’s going to be fighting her ass for every nutrient. Who am I kidding, you know she’s rocking a pregnancy pillow like they do in the soaps. Do you really think this heifer wants to share the spotlight?