News Bites: Kelly Clarkson Redeems Herself

January 28th, 2009 // 4 Comments

-Kelly Clarkson got her head together and realized that people like her when she’s singing bouncy yet angry pop songs. Her new single “My Life Would Suck Without You” (very to the point) has broken a Billboard record for the biggest single jump in history on the Hot 100 list. This week is went from #97 to #1! Things looked bleak for Kelly for awhile but she realized that she needs to just copy “Since U Been Gone” for the rest of her life. Things could be worse.

-The lovely Brooke Shields, recently known for trying to keep her awful show Lipstick Jungle afloat through sheer force of will, has signed on to the be new Coppertone spokeswoman. “I am excited to work with the Coppertone brand,” she says, “to help
raise awareness on the need for year-round sun protection and the
benefits of antioxidants in promoting natural skin repair.” She’ll be repping a product called NutraShield. No word on whether there will be a dog pulling down the back of her bikini.

-Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore are promoting He’s Just Not That Into You and have have decided to start dating. Aniston is so muscling in on the Charlie’s Angels. Lucy Liu is not amused. ” I like dinner. I like to be asked on a date,” Drew said. “I like tradition.” Aniston, obviously realizing John Mayer is not the one, asked Drew out. “I’ll ask you on a date! I will take you to dinner, and I will call you on your phone,” Aniston said. Why does this sound like Dr. Seuss or the end of a Paul Thomas Anderson movie?


-Kelly Clarkson got her head together and realized that people
like her when she’s singing bouncy yet angry pop songs. Her new single
“My Life Would Suck Without You” (very to the point) has broken a Billboard record
for the biggest single jump in history on the Hot 100 list. This week
is went from #97 to #1! Things looked bleak for Kelly for awhile but
she realized that she needs to just copy “Since U Been Gone” for the
rest of her life. Things could be worse.

-The lovely Brooke Shields, recently known for trying to keep her awful show Lipstick Jungle afloat through sheer force of will, has signed on to the be new Coppertone spokeswoman.
“I am excited to work with the Coppertone brand,” she says, “to help
raise awareness on the need for year-round sun protection and the
benefits of antioxidants in promoting natural skin repair.” She’ll be
repping a product called NutraShield. No word on whether there will be
a dog pulling down the back of her bikini.
-Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore are promoting He’s Just Not That Into You and have have decided to start dating. Aniston is so muscling in on the Charlie’s Angels. Lucy Liu is not amused. ” I like dinner. I like to be asked on a date,” Drew said. “I like tradition.” Aniston, obviously realizing John Mayer is not the one,
asked Drew out. “I’ll ask you on a date! I will take you to dinner, and
I will call you on your phone,” Aniston said. Why does this sound like
Dr. Seuss or the end of a Paul Thomas Anderson movie?

By J. Harvey
  1. Rachel

    I doubt Kelly needs to copy since you been gone since that song Never went to #1 on billboard. This song is #1 on billboard on it’s first weeek after jumping like 97 spots!

  2. www.BlahGirls.com

    I love Kelly! but, “My Life would suck without you” as the new # 1 single? Sigh, I miss the days of “Since you been gone… I can breathe for the first time…”

  3. Paul DeMerchant

    Has Kelly really redeemed herself or got her head together?

    To say yes would imply she’s bouncing back from a dark spot and I’d hardly say moving over 2 million units of “My December” represents a career misstep – just a comparitively smaller success than the juggernaut that was “Breakaway”.

    I’m not her biggest fan but like a lot of what she does and wish her all the best at continuing to consistently knock ‘em out of the park.

  4. D'luv

    J. Harvey, you bit your tongue, you wicked little hooker! Kelly Clarkson did not..I repeat DID NOT completely copy “Since U Been Gone” just to have another hit. Well, okay, she did. Or rather, her producers did.

    GO KELLY! CURVY POP SLUTS FOREVER!!!!!

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