News Bites: James Franco Is A ‘Slave To’ Gucci

- Former gay hustler James Franco appears in the new dramatic ass ad for men’s fragrance Gucci by Gucci. For some reason, he’s reciting the lyrics to Bryan Ferry’s “Slave to Love”. Stop f*cking up songs I like, stoner bitch. Why does this ad look like a Saturday Night Live parody? I keep waiting for Cheri Oteri to pop out of a corner, looking serious but crosseyed.

- Makeup artist Paul Starr (real name?) was found dead in his Los Angeles apartment. He had been dead for several days before his body was found. Ouch. The cause of death is unknown. Starr worked for clients like Jennifer Garner, Angelina Jolie, and Mariah Carey. Either Mimi killed him because he didn’t cover up the muffin top adequately (she has one, deal with it!) or he didn’t pay Angie enough worship and he was smote.

- Coldplay
frontprick Chris Martin says he won’t trash hotel rooms because he used to clean them. Well, that makes sense. Besides there’s no way he could lift a TV with his fey ass wrist and successfully smash it through a window. All that pretension has sapped the strength from him.


- Former gay hustler James Franco appears in the new dramatic ass ad for men’s fragrance Gucci by Gucci. For some reason, he’s reciting the lyrics to Bryan Ferry’s “Slave to Love”. Stop f*cking up songs I like, stoner bitch. Why does this ad look like a Saturday Night Live parody? I keep waiting for Cheri Oteri to pop out of a corner, looking serious but crosseyed.- Makeup artist Paul Starr
(real name?) was found dead in his Los Angeles apartment. He had been
dead for several days before his body was found. Ouch. The cause of
death is unknown. Starr worked for clients like Jennifer Garner, Angelina Jolie, and Mariah Carey. Either Mimi killed him because he didn’t cover up the muffin top adequately (she has one, deal with it!) or he didn’t pay Angie enough worship and he was smote.- Coldplay frontprick Chris Martin
says he won’t trash hotel rooms because he used to clean them. Well,
that makes sense. Besides there’s no way he could lift a TV with his
fey ass wrist and successfully smash it through a window. All that pretension has sapped the strength from him.