MTV EMAs Recap: Can Anybody Sing?

There were many things to wrap my head around for the MTV Europe Music Awards (EMAs). The fact that Eva Longoria Parker was hosting became the least of my worries once I started seeing the performances and then hearing what was actually winning awards.

So let’s just get to it shall we? Piece by piece. (Check out the red carpet photos here) Read on, trusty reader, read on…

1. Katy Perry Cannot Sing

Despite the pretty cool performance with the fireworks for her performance of…obviously, “Firework,” Katy Perry sounded T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E. And while I’ve always enjoyed Mrs. Russell Brand for what she’s worth, the fact remains that as a live performer – she sucks. And what was up with her Cher-inspired outfit with matching headband? That’s what we like to call ‘a swing and a miss.’

2. Miley Cyrus is going through a lace-only phase.

Miley turns in another performance of “Who Owns My Heart” – and while I regret the announcer saying that we’ll be blown away (he should have just promised we’ll be blown), it’s clearly that unlike Katy, Miley at least can sing her own songs. Mind you, not very well, but at least she sounds in key. Did anyone else want the dancers to drop her?

3. Rihanna, too, can’t sing that well live.

What I also learned is that the giant glowing orb-orifice was truly the standout star of the evening. I mean, I want that thing in my living room. I digress. Rihanna performed her hit “Only Girl” and it was not terribly interesting. Flowers, guys in suits. None of it made any sense. Boring, which is a shame because the song is a banger.

4. Jared Leto loves the power of being in a rock band.

Decked out in a white zippery outfit, Jared Leto led his band 30 Seconds To Mars in a performance of “Hurricane,” which I couldn’t even sit through to be honest with you. Too bland. Too overly dramatic. You be the judge.

5. Shakira’s hips always get the party going

I’ll say two things for Shakira: she is a totally captivating performer and just plain fun. Couple that with sexy dancing and barely any clothing and how could you go wrong? Precisely, you can’t. It’s an equation for Waka Waka insanity.

6. Ke$ha is in love with that black light paint.

Singing a song that feels ancient, Ke$ha performed “Tik Tok” and I don’t know why. Doesn’t she have a new album to promote with new songs? And it’s pretty awful when you think that Ke$ha is the best singer out of this lot. But remember she just sing-talks. I even tried to do this song and I sounded pretty spot-on.

And now for the list of winners:

Best Song
Lady Gaga “Bad Romance”

Best Live Act
Linkin Park

Best Pop
Lady Gaga

Best New Act

Best Female
Lady Gaga

Best Male
Justin Bieber

Best Hip Hop

Best Rock
30 Seconds to Mars

Best Alternative

Best Video
Katy Perry “California Gurls”

Best Push Act
Justin Bieber

Best World Stage Performance
Tokio Hotel

Best European Act
Marco Mengoni

Thoughts kids?