Miu von Furstenberg’s 2005 B. S. Awards

December 27th, 2005 // 5 Comments

The Notable People of 2005 That Miu von Furstenberg Would Love To Bitch Slap.

Where to begin this year?

1. Tom Cruise. My perception of Tom Cruise and couches (I am no longer able to nap on a couch) has been totally altered since he went off his meds vitamins on Oprah. I’m sure by the end of 2006 he will have healed the world with his bare hands. Am I being too glib?

2. Katie Holmes. How did a “good Catholic girl” end up becoming a Scientologist-Tom Cruise Spawn Carrying-A Lister overnight? Butt loads of cash.

3. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. What did the world get out of the separation and future divorce? Fish lips. No thanks.

4. Paris Hilton/Paris Latsis/Stavros Nirachos/Mary-Kate Olsen. Go away. All of you.

5. Michael Jackson. He was acquitted and moved to the Middle East, but the wearing the pajamas to court wardrobe, is still etched in our brains.

6. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. Hell to the yes.

7. Kenny Chesney. Just come out and play with the big boys.

8. Michael Brown. Katrina. Katrina. Michael Brown. The bitch one.

9. Star Jones and Al Reynolds. I’m glad someone with such a self-inflated ego has finally found someone worthy of her love. She hates the gays, but married one? I just don’t get it.

10. Lindsay Lohan. Boobs. No boobs. Skinny. Not so skinny. Drunk. Not drunk. Pick one and stay with it.

The rest of the list is after the jump.

11. Judith Miller. Unfortunately they forgot to throw away the key when she was thrown in jail.

12. Russell Crowe. If only that one toss of a phone had actually got him barred from working in the U.S., I wouldn’t have to slap him.

13. Sienna Miller. I implore you to hire a new stylist, and a life coach.

14. Corey Clark. Just one sad individual.

15. Dennis Rodman. Why oh why did you have to appear in drag at a Chicago book signing. (This one is for me.)

16. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner – only for their Starbucks consumption.

17. Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Just when we thought Brit was finally going to dump her baby’s daddy and poor excuse for a human being husband, she doesn’t follow through. The world is saddened by this.

18. Eva Longoria. Some air needs to be let out of this one before she explodes.

19. Nicole Richie. Eeeeeeeaaaaaat! I’d slap her just hard enough so those horrendous sunglasses would fly off of her head.

20. Anna Nicole Smith. She’s thin again, but still as vapid as ever.

Honorable mention (Not worthy of a full BS) – Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn (Eww),

Those whose antics made up giddy with delight throughout the year: Tara Reid, Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie (and children), Anderson Cooper, Janet Jackson, Ryan Phillippe, Peter Braunstein, and the gays of Project Runway.

Who would you like to bitch slap?

By Miu von Furstenberg

  1. marsmars

    A classic tug of war between what Hollywood should be, and what BS makes it out as.

    I just have to wonder was Hollywood ever really glamorous and daisies. It’s about milking your fame for all it’s worth.

    I can’t complain though, all the cum-stained celebrity laundry that has been aired is fun to read


  2. akflave

    Oprah deserves some consideration, too. She was just as bad as Tom was, fawning over him and prodding the embarrassing performance. As if that weren’t bad enough, a couple months later, once Cruise had become a national joke, she distances herself from him, claiming she didn’t know what was going on. Whore.

  3. Ang

    MARIAH CAREY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    god i hate this dumb vapid woman. she needs slapped HARD

  4. Thaddeus van Worthingheimer

    Britney Spears and Kevin Federline need to be slapped simply because they reproduced. Can the spawn of those two ever amount to anything good or decent?

  5. boop

    I would like to get Jennifer and Angelina together so they can bitch slap each other!!!!

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