The Notable People of 2003 That Miu von Furstenberg Would Love To Bitch Slap.
1. Jermaine Jackson. Get this man sedated. Stat!
2. Elizabeth Smart’s Parents. Apparently Mormon’s are just as publicity hungry as the rest of us.
3. David Blaine. It’s time for one of his death-defying stunts to fail.
4. Whitney Houston. So many reasons. “Crack is whack” and serenading your own abuser just to name a few.
5. Bonnie Fuller. You’ve got no soul.
6. David Gest. Get a pair.
7. Jessica Simpson. Now found in Webster’s under dumb.
8. Bill O’Rielly. Just shut the fuck up for once.
9. Bennifer. Put us all out of our misery and just end the relationship.
10. The Royals. Actually, I just want to slap a smile on the face of the Queen. I’m all for the orgies, drugs, and the year of the homosexual.
Rush Limbaugh (whose the addict now?), Kobe Bryant (keep it in your wife), Paris Hilton (I’m rich and vapid), Michael Jackson (too obvious to be mentioned above), Nia Vardalos (my big fat one hit wonder), Saddam Hussein (you were captured hiding in a hole), Rosie O’Donnell (I liked you better as the “Queen of Nice”), Graydon Carter (your self-indulgent “right” to smoke anywhere you please is getting sooooo old), Vincent Gallo (Brown Bunny), and Jason Binn (I’d like to shove your wedding publicist up your ass).