Michael Jackson Clears Up Some Stuff

June 29th, 2007 // 15 Comments

These crazy, rehabbing starlets think they have it so tough with the media scrutiny. Well, ol’ Michael Jackson is here to show them what some vintage crazy looks like. This is a man who had theories floating around involving Liz Taylor, a chimpanzee and alien corpses. Crotch shots are mere child’s play! Since he’s a busy man, and has a lot of rumors to disprove, Michael had his spokeswoman, Raymone K. Bain, speak out on a number of reports that Jackson claims are “untrue, defamatory and malicious,” denying them all in one fell swoop. The New York Daily News was informed that Jackson:

* Is not bedridden.

* Is not on any type of medication, including painkillers.

* Has not “left” Las Vegas nor is he being “evicted” from his residence in Las Vegas. He decided not to exercise the option to purchase the house. Period.

* Does not believe that his brother Randy Jackson has stolen monies from him.

* Does not think any family members would ever steal from him.

* Has never used nor instructed his security to use force toward any reporter.

* Is neither losing nor selling his share of the ATV/Sony partnership (which includes the Beatles catalogue).

Another thing that Michael said that he was NOT is worried that his assistant Grace Rwaramba is the target of numerous attacks by Fox News’ Roger Friedman. Huh? I must confess that I so haven’t been paying any attention to Michael lately. Do we really care if he’s worried about that or not?

Find out what Michael Jackson has been doing, after the jump…

Well, in the part of the statement where it’s clarified what he is in fact up to, it turns out that:

“Jackson is currently in the studio putting finishing touches on his music … and yesterday, he met with his advisers, who included former attorney general Benjamin R. Civiletti and the Rev. Jesse L. Jackson Sr.”

Advisers? Excuse me, but Neverland is not a country, my friend. What advice could they possibly have for Michael that he might actually listen to? “Hey there, naming your kid something stupid like ‘Blanket’ probably isn’t the best idea you’ve ever had.” Either way, he doesn’t seem like someone who would take advice very well. I have a feeling that any suggestion is probably met with giggles and Michael declaring, “You sound like a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich!” before he scoots up a tree somewhere.

By Lisa Timmons
  1. SocialClimber

    Currently, MJ is holed up, with his children at the Goodstone Inn, in Middleburg, VA. An uber-rich, uber-historic bedroom community of Washington, DC. Suprisingly, his food demands are pretty normal for him being such a freak of nature.

  2. little geezer

    “You sound like a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich!” before he scoots up a tree somewhere” or fills up a coca can with wine and offers it to a minor before climbing into bed with them. Pervert.

  3. JLA

    But you cannot deny the talent. Don’t believe it – see this (includes some new unreleased stuff too)

    http://www.jlaforums.com/music_cat.php?cat_id=9

  4. Linda B

    um…is no one going to mentioned the masked child sitting next to him? If that is his daughter can you imagine the number of shrinks she is going to need in the future ( or right now)? Her eyes look so sad….

  5. r5bales

    His son Blanket is the child.

  6. nisey

    I might be better able to let it slide a little more if we could cover his face and not so much the kids. Hell, I don’t care if I even see the kids.

  7. nisey

    I might be better able to let it slide a little more if we could cover his face and not so much the kids. Hell, I don’t care if I even see the kids. C’mon!!! I used to have his poster on my wall in 1983, is he putting the elephant man’s remains in his face?! For f**ks sake…..

  8. m

    Dear Social Climber (first commenter),

    “Uber” does not mean super. It means literally “over”. For example, “uber 30″ on a party invitation means that the party is for people over 30. There is nothing exclusive, expansive or elitist about the word.

    Where is the dictionary? It’s uber your head.

  9. KAT

    JESUS JUICE, KIDDIES?

  10. Migraineuse

    M, you are wrong. Ueber does have a connotation of superiority, such as in the word “uebermensch”.

    By the way, if your keyboard doesn’t have an umlaut, you can compensate for this by adding an “e” after the vowel which was supposed to have the umlaut. Hence “ueber” not “uber”. That’s called the Latin spelling in German.

  11. lorrie is sexy!

    I love michael jackson i learn from his work!
    he is a sex bomb
    my idol
    watch out little kiddies here i come!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Alivia

    You all are so mean!! Michael’s children love him very much, and they are very happy to be the King of Pop’s children. They have said so themselves. Michael is almost finished with his new album, and it is going to be big!! Michael did not name his son Blanket, OK?? His name is Prince Michael Joseph Jackson II, and his sister is Paris Michael Katherine Jackson and his brother is Prince Michael Joseph Jackson I. Leave Mikey alone!! He is the most loving father and person in the world! Can’t you see that?!! He is not a child molestor!! You know why I know? Because his accuser, Gavin Arviso, had no idea what an ejaculation is, and he said that Michael masturbated him until he ejaculated! Thus, he never was abused!! DUH, can’t you think? And if he’s such a “bad” man, than why did he write the humanitarian songs like “Heal the World,” “Earth Song,” “Man In the Mirror,” “Cry,” “We Are the World,” “Childhood,” and many others!! We MJ fans know the truth, and everyone else needs to realize it!! Can’t you love Michael? Just leave him alone. He’s a gift to the world!! He is my idol and my love of my life! Just try to understand him! You guys believe all the tabloids and that’s sad. I feel bad for all of you who hate him… You’re missing out on a lot…

  13. Chyenne

    That was ignorent of you to say something like that about him at the end of your report.

  14. Katerina

    Can this get any more ironic? in the article the person points out how they obviously don’t care what Michael does while they wrote a whole fucken ARTICLE on him.

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