Mary-Kate Olsen’s In The Hospital

Tiny fashionista millionaire and “Weeds” star Mark-Kate Olsen was rushed to the hospital yesterday with a kidney infection. She probably took ill when she discovered her sister Ashley was doing that older guy with the bike. That’s no joke. J. Harvey only has one kidney, and needs to avoid anything happening to remaining one at all costs. There is no way in hell I’m gonna go out like Julia Roberts in “Steel Magnolias”. Not with that haircut!

At press time, Mary-Kate was resting comfortably and was expected to be released in the next couple of days, according to her rep Nicole Caruso.

These chicks need to take better care of themselves. You can’t just live on cigarettes and whatever Starbuck’s is offering. At least get the peppermint hot chocolate! Mmmmmmm, damn that’s good. And essential to my burgeoning triple chin.