Martinis and Popcorn: ‘Machete,’ ‘Going the Distance’ and ‘The American’

Labor Day weekend is notoriously known for being a slow box office draw — who really wants to spend their last weekend of summer inside and in the dark? I digress.

Still, Hollywood will release three specifically targeted films this holiday weekend, knowing it will never hit box office gold even comparable to this summer’s golden child, Inception.

1. Machete
Target: testosterone.
This weekend Machete will easily take the number one spot from The Last Exorcism. What began as a trailer to Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez’s Grindhouse (2007) is now a full length feature starring an eclectic cast (see picture for proof) of the rugged Danny Trejo, the vegan Michelle Rodriguez, and the lately questionably fashionable Jessica Alba.

In her defense, she must have some fashion cred or why else would they ask her to join Project Runway? Moving on…

Lindsay Lohan is also present yet minor in the film, but somehow her invite to the red carpet premiere was lost in the mail. Oops! All that work done to perfectly time her release from jail, rehab and house arrest completely foiled!

More movie options are after the jump!

Uninterested in the violence and action offered in Machete? Then the remaining two options are Going the Distance and The American. In no particular order — because I’m back and forth about who will top who… and here’s why:Going the Distance is a rom-com starring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long, furthering the debate as to whether they’re on or off. The
movie, about a light romance that takes off and then tackles the
bi-coastal, long distance relationship-thing, is targeted for females
and in the group of three, this is where the lovely ladies will be
headed. Furthermore, this rom-com is a major rarity in its category! It’s rated R! When was the last time you saw that?!Regardless, Going the Distance will go head-to-head with everyone’s favorite bachelor George Clooney in The American. From the looks of things, George Swooney (really? What a horrid nickname) is a fine wine, getting better with age.And that’s all I have to say about that.