Mario Lopez Loses His Underwear

June 13th, 2008 // 4 Comments

Mario Lopez is one jealous bitch! The extremely chiseled/perky buttocked star of Saved by the Bell and Dancing with the Stars fame is engaged in a feud with one of his Broadway co-stars. It’s a total All About Eve sitch, except replace Bette Davis and the younger heifer with Mario and some total rent boy looking kid.

Here’s what happened. Mario is starring on Broadway in A Chorus Line. And he’s developed a jealous fixation with one Nick Adams, a performer in the show. Adams apparently has a bod to rival AC Slater’s and Lopez, in true jealous queen fashion, isn’t having it. He eschewed the normal long-sleeved sweater his character wears for a short-sleeved shirt to show off the pipes. AND he insisted that Adams were a hoodie to cover HIS arms whenever he was dancing next to him! Rrraaaoowww! Mmmmmeeoooww hiisssss! Damn, get kitty a bowl of milk and tell him to shut the f*ck up!

Oh, there’s more. When Adams does show off the bod and wear a tank top in the opening dance number, he’s banished to the back of the stage and the audience can barely see him.

Mo-pez (and yes, that was an intentional typo) didn’t get the last cackle, though. It seems as thought gay underwear company 2(x)ist was originally going to sign Mario to a contract to advertise their drawers. But then someone saw Adams in action. Later, Slater.

“Mario was originally No. 1 on our radar as we planned the campaign,”
said an insider. “We were ready to call him with an offer, but then we
saw Nick. He’s younger, sexy, more interesting. On top of that, his
body was crazy. We set up a meeting, and when he walked in, that was
it. We never even looked at anyone else after that,” says an “insider”. That’s a real life Zack Attack. That’s harsher than when Jesse Spano got strung out on caffeine pills.

Nick Adams had em’ all panting over at gay underwear headquarters.

“Nick’s very masculine, sexy, modern. It’s totally all about his body.
Mario is a good-looking guy, but Nick had it. He’s up and coming, the
new face of sexy. He’s original. He’s hot,” says Jason Scarlatti, 2(x)ist’s creative director.

The ad campaign has already been shot and will appear in Out magazine’s August issue. Lopez’s camp (which is probably just Dustin Diamond with a pre-paid cell phone) had no comment.

Click any of the photos to view the gallery of 18 photos of Mario Lopez in A Chorus Line.


Mario Lopez is one jealous bitch! The extremely chiseled/perky
buttocked star of Saved by the Bell and Dancing with the Stars fame is
engaged in a feud with one of his Broadway co-stars. It’s a total All
About Eve
sitch, except replace Bette Davis and the younger heifer with
Mario and some total rent boy looking kid.

Here’s what happened. Mario is starring on Broadway in A Chorus Line.
And he’s developed a jealous fixation with one Nick Adams, a performer
in the show. Adams apparently has a bod to rival AC Slater’s and Lopez,
in true jealous queen fashion, isn’t having it. He eschewed the normal
long-sleeved sweater his character wears for a short-sleeved shirt to
show off the pipes. AND he insisted that Adams were a hoodie to cover
HIS arms whenever he was dancing next to him! Rrraaaoowww! Mmmmmeeoooww
hiisssss! Damn, get kitty a bowl of milk and tell him to shut the f*ck
up!

Oh, there’s more. When Adams does show off the bod and wear a tank top
in the opening dance number, he’s banished to the back of the stage and
the audience can barely see him.

Mo-pez (and yes, that was an intentional typo) didn’t get the last
cackle, though. It seems as thought gay underwear company 2(x)ist was
originally going to sign Mario to a contract to advertise their
drawers. But then someone saw Adams in action. Later, Slater.

“Mario was originally No. 1 on our radar as we planned the campaign,”
said an insider. “We were ready to call him with an offer, but then we
saw Nick. He’s younger, sexy, more interesting. On top of that, his
body was crazy. We set up a meeting, and when he walked in, that was
it. We never even looked at anyone else after that,” says an “insider”.
That’s a real life Zack Attack. That’s harsher than when Jesse Spano
got strung out on caffeine pills.

Nick Adams had em’ all panting over at gay underwear headquarters.

“Nick’s very masculine, sexy, modern. It’s totally all about his body.
Mario is a good-looking guy, but Nick had it. He’s up and coming, the
new face of sexy. He’s original. He’s hot,” says Jason Scarlatti, 2(x)ist’s creative director.

The ad campaign has already been shot and will appear in Out magazine’s
August issue. Lopez’s camp (which is probably just Dustin Diamond with
a pre-paid cell phone) had no comment.

By J. Harvey
  1. Lilly

    “He insisted that Adams were a hoodie”???? Come on, why so many grammar mistakes lately on your writing??? Lisa makes them quite a lot and now you too? I´ve noticed quite a few on your writing and it´s not looking good. Revise before submiting, old advice by my English professors. Always revise…

  2. Punctuation Police

    Lilly – What you pointed out was a spelling mistake, which is a simple typographic error (“wore” was misspelled as “were”) that wouldn’t even be picked up by spell-check. Maybe you shouldn’t criticize grammar until you learn what grammar means, until you learn to use punctuation properly, and until you learn to write clearly. I hope English wasn’t your major, because you have an awful lot of problems “on your writing”. Try using a few more commas and a few less multiple question marks. Try checking the clarity of your writing before submitting. And maybe you should run spell-check before “submiting” your next post.

  3. Cranky

    If I see any more spelling or grammatical errors on this site, I’m going to demand my money back!!!! Oh, wait… this site is free, right???? Ooops, my bad!!!! Sorry!!!! ; )

  4. Puh Leeza

    “Come on, why so many grammar mistakes lately on your writing???”

    Shouldn’t that be “grammatical mistakes”? “Always revise” is definitely great advice….

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