Madonna Expected A Lot

More and more details of what the hellish kingdom Madonna and Guy Ritchie called a marriage was like are coming to the surface. A new report says that, after Madge and the Sherlock Holmes director attended marriage counseling two years ago, Madonna drew up a contract that she forced Guy to sign.

This castration document forced him into agreeing to never yell at her, making sure to devote time to having sex with her sinewy elliptical machine of a body, and devoting time to reading Kabbalah texts with her.

Sources say future spiritual leader Madonna had this whimsical bit of paper pinned up at their New York City residence. It was probably on the fridge, so the kids could see it and learn what horrifying depths a relationship can sink two people to and perhaps pledge to remain asexual for the rest of their lives.

The contract meant that Guy always had to approach disagreements with Madonna by stating “I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this.” Oh, and she would also remind him of his indentured servitude by saying “contract, contract” to remind him if he was getting out of line.

Here’s Guy leaving his London hotel. It’s the same one his reported new lass Kelly Reilly (who’s starring in his Sherlock Holmes film) is inhabiting. He must cry in her arms at night about that contract and tell her horror stories about just how muscled Madonna is in places.

Click any photo to view all 15 photos of Guy Ritchie on the set of Sherlock Holmes in the gallery!


More and more details of what the hellish kingdom Madonna and Guy Ritchie called a marriage
was like are coming to the surface. A new report says that, after Madge
and the Sherlock Holmes director attended marriage counseling two years
ago, Madonna drew up a contract that she forced Guy to sign. This
castration document forced him into agreeing to never yell at her,
making sure to devote time to having sex with her sinewy elliptical
machine of a body, and devoting time to reading Kabbalah texts with her.Sources say future spiritual leader
Madonna had this whimsical bit of paper pinned up at their New York
City residence. It was probably on the fridge, so the kids could see it
and learn what horrifying depths a relationship can sink two people to and perhaps pledge to remain asexual for the rest of their lives.The
contract meant that Guy always had to approach disagreements with
Madonna by stating “I understand that my actions have upset you, please
work with me to resolve this.” Oh, and she would also remind him of his
indentured servitude by saying “contract, contract” to remind him if he
was getting out of line.Here’s Guy leaving his London hotel.
It’s the same one his reported new lass Kelly Reilly (who’s starring in
his Sherlock Holmes film) is inhabiting. He must cry in her arms at
night about that contract and tell her horror stories about just how
muscled Madonna is in places.Click any photo to view all 15 photos of Guy Ritchie on the set of Sherlock Holmes in the gallery!