Jennifer Lopez Putting Those Babies In Danger Of A UFO Abduction

Photos: WENN

Oh HELL NAH! Jennifer Lopez has reportedly asked Tom Cruise to be the godfather of Max and Emme. Jesus H. Christ, why don’t you just package them up and MAIL THEM To Clearwater, Florida so they can begin their prison stint in cult land? I heard that compound with the 70 wives of polygamy in Texas is looking for new wives to join the cause. I’m sure Emme’s up for that as well, abusive mother!

J. Lo is said to have overridden husband Marc Anthony’s objection to Cruise being the godfather. Marc is Catholic. Don’t you kinda have to share the religion to be a godfather? Jesus didn’t ride in a spaceship! That we know of.

Cruise has reportedly been showering the Anthony twins with gifts, including a nursery fish tank, and (is this right?) 200K on designer christening outfits! Are they suits made of diamond? Something is very, very wrong here. J. Lo needs to haul her fat caboose back to her local parish and pray for guidance. You don’t just let the tractor beam take your kids away!