Lohan’s Parents As Terrible As You Imagined

August 9th, 2007 // 16 Comments

Now I get it. Sure, you need to get over your parents’ crap and make your own way. But Daddy shouldn’t be throwing you over the hood of the car on the expressway and calling you a slut at 16. Damn. Did Jesus advise that, Michael? A former bodyguard who worked for the Lohans between 2002 and 2005 has sold them out. He’s given some predictable details as to how they treated Linds when she was growing up.

Lohan’s former bodyguard of three years, Tony Almeida, says neither Dina nor Michael Lohan provided any structure for Lindsay when she was growing up and that both were wild, abusive, neglectful partyers who needed to keep their “cash cow” daughter working to pay their bills.

Keep reading for the highway incident. It’s a doozy.

Once, when Lindsay was 16, Michael flew into a rage while driving and “slammed on the brakes and dragged her out of the car, pushed her up against the hood, screamed at her and called her a slut. This was on the Long Island Expressway! I got in the middle of it and pulled him off.”

As Lindsay’s manager, Dina – who was desperate to become a star herself – received 10 percent of her income. “Lindsay was the family cash cow – and she resented it,” Almeida claims. “They counted on her to pay their bills . . . I saw Lindsay exhausted, begging her mother for some time off.”

Almeida also reveals that Lindsay was allowed by her parents to share a room at 15 with her then 14 year old boyfriend Aaron Carter. That’s some meth greasiness right there. Imagine your first time being with that? Ugh. And he says Lohan was always threatening suicide and cutting herself and he would catch her in closets honking up the white stuff. “The Parent Trap” is sullied for me forever at this point.

By J. Harvey
  1. If that highway incident is true, and I don’t doubt that it is, then this douche had a duty to call the cops regarding a little thing called child abuse. But of course cops don’t pay as well as tabloids. Lindsay is the only one of these out of control party girls for whom I have any sympathy because she was a talented little girl who got abused by two vile adults.

  2. Darth Paul

    Who said Carter was her first? I seriously doubt he was- it was probably some sticky Disney producer type.

    As for the rest…well, it explains her behavior now; especially her obsessive need to always have a man in her bed. However, that doesn’t EXCUSE her behavior. I still hate that cooze.

  3. pizda

    hmm sounds like just another disfunctional Hollywood family, errr i meant normal Hollywood clan

  4. T-Bone

    Lindsay would have been better off being raised by wolverines, for sure. But now that she’s a multi-million dollar adult, she’s going to have to make some multi-million dollar adult choices.

  5. Zekers

    Problem is, she doesn’t appear really capable of making adult choices. She appears to be functioning at about a 15 y/o level-which makes sense given what I’ve read about her drug/alcohol use and her stellar parents. She’s a lot like Britney, used to having everything, including her own way, doesn’t understand “No” and has no clue how to navigate her world successfully. I agree with Christopher, the body guard should have called CPS, he failed her just as much as the parents…

  6. essie

    I think Lindsay’s Hollywood career is pretty much over. Too bad because she was a good child actor and had the potential to be a good adult actor. No producer wants her now and, judging by her last few films, the public doesn’t want her either.

    I hope she gets well but I don’t know. I have these John Belushi-type visions of her.

  7. T-Bone

    Unfortunately for her, if she doesn’t start making good choices, she’s going to end up unbankable and uninsurable, and that will be the end of her hollywood career (which might not be the worst case scenario, actually).

  8. Zekers

    Yes T-Bone, I bet she is most likely already there…and seems to me getting out of Hollywood would be the best thing for her right now.

  9. green cardigan

    She should buy a one way ticket to Cheeto Island. Everyone who’s anyone is hanging out there, these days. Sort of Promises meets Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Umpa Lumpas walking around handing out Cheetos Red Bull and Chanel sunglasses.
    I heard on the grapevine that Britney has taken the penthouse in Cheeto Palace Hotel.

  10. Jeanie

    That is some self esteem building action right there! Now I feel a little bit sorry for her. She still needs to get her shit together or her movie career is over, if it isn’t already.

  11. Zekers

    …and everything is orange so they (and their spray-on tans) all blend into their surroundings…

  12. stolidog

    TONY ALMEIDA?? Seriously? Didn’t he just get killed in the last season of 24?

  13. Jack Bauer

    Tell Tony Almeida we need him back at CTU.

  14. MIchelleK

    My father knocked me down a flight of stairs when I was 15…oh but he didn’t call me a slut.

    My point is…sometimes life sucks. There are plenty of people with stories as bad as Lindsay’s and even more who’s stories are worse.

    You have to take control of your life and not be an asshole!

  15. Nunu

    The point is anyone who gets abused by their parents, whether verbally or physically, is fucked up. MichelleK you are too. No one just gets over abuse, especially without some kind of guidance!

  16. jbonz

    I have always felt that Lindsay was something of a tragic figure because I thought she had so much going for her and was putting it all at risk, BUT…
    I’m starting to believe that she is, after all, just another Lohan, which is to say just another slimy thing with the brains of a crawdad and the morals of a wharf rat. “The apple never falls too far from the horse.”

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