Lohan’s Actually In Rehab?

You can all cross the street safely, it sounds like. Sources say that Lindsay Lohan is actually in rehab in Utah. And it sounds like a real place. As opposed to the last one where she could go shopping, and score some blow, and ride go-carts, and have ice cream sundaes and occasionally be told not to get high as she was on her way out to a facial. The place is called Cirque, in Orem, Utah and Mormons run it. Mormons are hard-core and will not tolerate her Hollywood bullshit.

Sources inside the facility say that Lindsay attends12-step every day as well as other meetings, talks with psychiatrists and psychologists, and receives “other medical treatment.” She is not in a private room; she has two roommates. She spends time during the day and night washing dishes, cleaning toilets and doing laundry.

Shockingly, Linds is being described as completely cooperative and describing her program as “life-saving”. Maybe realizing she was carjacking idiots and trying to hunt down her former assistant in a coke-fueled car chase might eventually lead to some death. The best thing she can do now is convert to Mormonism and set up shop in Utah and get a job in craft store post-rehab. If she needs cash, she can do an autograph signing at a convention or something. Geeks love that shit. “I Know Who Killed Me” is going to become a badass cult film! Do you know she’s missing a leg and a hand in that flick? Brilliant!