“Laguna Beach” Sex Tape Is Flaccid

Heh. Plans to release the sex tape featuring “Laguna Beach”‘s Lauren Conrad and Jason Wahler have been shelved because it wasn’t….well, hot. HAH! Heh heh. You can buy many things but you can’t buy the knowledge of how to sling the D correctly. But, uh, if anyone’s selling, blow up my cell.

TMZ has learned a porn company has put the brakes on an alleged sex tape featuring “The Hills” star Lauren Conrad and “Laguna Beach’s” Jason Wahler — because of the bad boy’s “severely disappointing” behavior. And apparently, according to our source, the tape is severely disappointing as well.

A TMZ source said the alleged tape, news of which first broke on Perez Hilton, is “very vanilla” with “no hard core sex.” The source adds that LC and Jason are basically “messing around.” But SugarDVD tells TMZ they are retracting their previous offer of $500,000 for the tape, because of Wahler’s recent arrest in Seattle. “We refuse to support any person who feels that it is in any way acceptable to rattle off racial slurs and slanderous language about African-American people, homosexual people and the police department.”

Even f*ck flick companies have standards. This is so hot. Little bastard snotnoses can’t make the grade in the bedroom. Coke dick affects a lot of people. Please – give til’ it hurts.