Katie’s Giant Bag of Bad Ideas Include Marrying Tom Cruise

January 14th, 2008 // 30 Comments

Tom Cruise on Tom Cruise

Even with that giant purse in hand, Katie Holmes still brings way less baggage to her unlikely relationship with Tom Cruise than her wacky husband. A video was recently posted from the vaults of Scientology that is nine minutes long and was played during the actor’s acceptance of the Freedom Medal of Valor award during an International Association of Scientologists event.

In the video, he talks in detail about what he believes that it means to be a Scientologist. I’m thinking, “Sweet, this will finally clear up any vagaries on what the basis of the religion is.” Alas, I was disappointed to hear him talk in very intense circles essentially about nothing in particular and I was left with less information than when I first started watching this video. It was like listening to a pothead explain why smoking pot is such a mind-altering experience that like totally opens your mind to new ideas, dude.

Basically, what I understand is that Scientologists instinctively know the answers to everything. And what would a Tom Cruise speech be without some maniacal laughter? About halfway through the video–and I still have no idea what he’s talking about–he starts laughing about the question of whether or not he’s met an SP or “suppressive person,” which is a term used to describe what I have surmised from the Wikipedia entry about it as an enemy of the religion and this is what causes him to crack up. I’m so lost. That background music finally made me so tense, I had to quit watching.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin Online

Photos of a bag-less Tom Cruise trolling the streets of New York City are after the jump and video of Tom talking about Scientology is after the jump.

(Hint – Right-click on the image thumbnails with your mouse to open them in a new tab or window.)

Photos: WENN

By Lisa Timmons
asl

  1. Sharon

    That oversized Hermes bag is so f-ing retarded. Even Hermes has gotten tacky and sell-out these days. Is nothing sacred anymore?

  2. Hey Cupcake

    Spitting image of Anna Wintour.

    I realize, as a Scientologist, Katie’s not allowed to take psychiatric meds, but she must be on some seriously heavy shit.

  3. golilith

    the video is scary

  4. pix

    whoa… i don’t think there’s a coherent fragment of a sentence in that whole video.

    i get the sense that he’d pass by a homeless person and “have to help” like an accident and he’d go patrick bateman on them and stab them in the eye.

  5. Am

    How come Scientologist are the only ones to help at the scene of an accident? If I had to pick between a Scientologist or and EMT, um…..lemme think about this one….

  6. btchyspice

    eeeeeeeeeeegaaaaaaaads!!!

    i’m tom cruise. i’m a scientologist. and i’m going to take over the world. i’m going to make you all psychotic like me. (starting with hollywood, first!)

    the only thing tom cruise (and his ego) helps me do is barf up my dinner.
    thanks cruisey…it’s not like i wanted to keep that down.

  7. Sarah

    H E I S A F R E A K!
    Do you want to know how I know? Because, I know. That’s how I know. It’s about knowing what you know when you know……..that’s how you know… you know?

  8. anonymous

    just wondering . . .

    since a) he still looks sorta’ good and 2) he’s not wearing a wedding ring . . . just how OLD is this video clip?!?!?! he hasn’t looked like that in quite awhile . . .

  9. MK

    How could such a good looking man be so demented? Great haircut.

  10. MK

    How could such a good looking man be so demented? Great haircut.

  11. Sarah

    By the way, Tom….. I’m Episcopal & I’ve pulled over to help car accident victims. Do you know what that means? I know, but I need to know that Tom knows….because it’s about knowing what you know.

  12. LB

    That is the ugliest f-ing bag ever. It probably costs as much as a car!

  13. joan durtz

    She always looks like she is playing dress-up. She looks ridiculous. And I am sure the bag was free.

  14. Tiffie

    Alas, I was disappointed to read this sad, poorly written piece of dreck. You may have taken yellow journalism to a new low. How nice for you. The next time you attempt to smear someone for their beliefs with your lame, limp quips, do us all a favor and put your little mittens on before typing. Bless your heart and have a lovely evening.

  15. Whatever!

    Aw, Tiffie. You must have typed the wrong URL. It’s socialitelife.com, not humorlessdrones.com.

  16. Julianna

    Does anyone else think that this idiotic ‘big-bag’ thing is the most rediculous fashion EVER?
    It makes every one of them look like they are on their way to the Airport with their luggage!!!

  17. Julianna

    Does anyone else think that this idiotic ‘big-bag’ thing is the most rediculous fashion EVER?
    It makes every one of them look like they are on their way to the Airport with their luggage!!!

  18. Julianna

    Does anyone else think that this idiotic ‘big-bag’ thing is the most rediculous fashion EVER?
    It makes every one of them look like they are on their way to the Airport with their luggage!!!

  19. Sloane

    Okay, I’ll watch the video even though I’m afraid it’s going to be like The Ring. But I’ve got to say, that bag, seriously, how desperate do you need to be to show everyone how much money you have than to drag the most obnoxious bag ever around with you? And do you think she carries a wallet? Nope. Breath mints! That gigantic bag probably has nothing more than lip gloss and breath mints in it!

  20. Sloane

    The video doesn’t work anymore but the link has a section transcribed. It seems to be a whole lot of nothing, but yes, apparently, Scientologists are the ones that can help with accidents.

  21. Zelda F.

    He looks like a chipmunk on steroids, wearing an Armani overcoat…………

  22. Loob

    So is polar fleece in vogue now?
    When I was little I remember having a fluffy onesie not unlike Katie’s weird coat.
    Look for the polyester fleecy stuff in evening wear this Oscar night.
    Hmmm. That might be unpleasantly warm though.

  23. btchyspice

    he’s successfully turned her into a stepford wife.

    trust me, *that* does not come out of toledo, oh.

    i really wish people (read: tom cruise) would stop drilling tiny holes into people’s heads so that he can suck out their grey matter and fill the remains with b.s.

  24. Zekers

    All that money and she dresses like that…

  25. Crazy

    That’s her bathrobe, right?

    And Tiffie ~ get a friggin life.

  26. spaz

    guys, Tiffie’s a $cientology plant…

    they’re EVERYwhere.

  27. Zekers

    Jeez spaz, I didn’t want to think that but yeah…makes ‘ya wonder, doesn’t it?

  28. Amber

    He’s so weird.

    And I really wish Katie would stop dressing like an Amish woman. : /

  29. spaz

    what is interesting to me, zekers, is that the people who actually defend $cientology will almost NEVER admit that they are a $cientolotgist.

    who else would defend such a wacky religion BUT one of their drones?

  30. Zekers

    I know some people who won’t admit they’re Catholic!
    But spaz, I think you’re right, she’s an L. Ron Hubbard worshiper.

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