Katie Holmes Playing Dead In Phase One Of Her Escape Attempt

March 26th, 2008 // 7 Comments

Photos: WENN

Katie Holmes reportedly collapsed recently, due to the stress of her marriage to Tom Cruise. Katie is reportedly worn out from Tom being up at all hours of the night flitting about and building shrines to joke religions. She’s also under a lot of pressure to make their home a showplace.

“She’s tired and drained much of the day because Tom is so wired, and they stay awake until after midnight. He has boundless energy, and she just can’t compete,” a source says.

Katie recently lunched at Joan’s on Third and she was described as looking “pale, emaciated, and feeble.” Eyewitnesses saw her acting confused and unsteady after her lunch. She reportedly had to brace herself against the SUV she was traveling in and be helped into it by a bodyguard.

Katie’s life is just about as weird as you think it is. Tom is off for days at a time and tells her “you can be with me, but don’t ask about it.” Oh honey, that means there’s a bevy of rentboys at a special suite at the Hotel-Bel Air with lube on tap. They’re on call. When you see “Hospitality Inc.” on the credit card bill, that would be them. Who am I kidding, she doesn’t get to look at any of the finances.

Tom’s just fine, though. A Socialite Life source recently saw him taking Suri for a walk on Franklin over by the Scientology Center.

“Mommy just has a cold, Suri. She hasn’t gotten rid of enough body thetans. If you ever see her look sick, just tell her to stop being a supressive personalty and remind her that she won’t be allowed to see you ever again if she doesn’t straighten up. She’ll get better.” You know that’s what goes on.

Here’s footage of Tom singing and dancing. You’d be collapsing too, if you had to live with this.

By J. Harvey

  1. Hah-pro

    Tom is bi-polar and needs effective meds or a swift slap and the door slammed in his face. Get him knee capped Katie and have a nice rest while he heals and recovers.

  2. T-Bone

    Yeah – up at all hours of the night with boundless energy —- not normal, unless he’s sleeping all day, which I doubt. Could be bipolar. Could also be a brainwashed cult leader.

  3. Rotten Tomatoes

    Perhaps she is pregnant and suffering from all day sickness? I had it with my second child and it lasted for three months.

    I agree that Tom may be bi-polar – perhaps he should get a conservator like Britney. Suri’s almost grown up enough to do the job. Or maybe we should call Mr. Travolta.

  4. B.SophiaLoren

    Well, @ least Katie’s famous now. We are SO gonna be watching a movie about the cult leader (Tom) and the woman he auditioned to be his wife (Katie) 10 years from now.
    I wonder if she thinks its worth it now? Tom is probably starving her but, telling her that eating less will help her be shorter.

  5. erika

    This is probably all made up, but some of it could ring true, anyway. You have to wonder if Katie has come to her senses yet. If she ever tried to leave Tom she would never be able to take her daughter. Also, hope she is not eating on purpose. As for worrying about her decorating her home, hire a high-priced designer … what’s so hard about that?

  6. hope that she’s okay now. poor katie.

  7. dee marie

    i fckng lv hr.

    she’s a beacon of (public) grace under (private) pressure.

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