Kathleen Turner Finds These Grapes To Be Sour

So once upon a time, Kathleen Turner was a Hollywood bombshell. In the 80s, she was working in Cate Blanchett/Angelina Jolie territory in films like “Prizzi’s Honor,” “Body Heat” and “Romancing The Stone.” What happened? Well, Hollywood is pretty sexist. So when Kathy started gaining weight due to arthritis or drinking or something, she got written off. The film roles stopped coming, and she kinda got relegated to stage work and stunt casting on shows such as “Friends” and “Nip/Tuck”. What’s a gal to do?

Well, she’s still fierce and apparently full of booze and realizing she’s not going to ascend to the heights she was once at – so it’s time to sell everyone out in a book! Her new tome, “Send Yourself Roses” (we all should, really), tears celebrities such as Nicolas Cage, Burt Reynolds and William Hurt a new one. That puffiness in her face is caused by her venom sacs! Kathy paints Nicolas Cage as a total pinhead saying that on the set of “Peggy Sue Got Married” he “went against to show that he wasn’t under his uncle’s [Francis Ford Coppola’s] wing. Which was ridiculous. Oh, that stupid voice of his and the fake teeth! Honestly, I cringe to think about it. He caused so many problems,” Turner writes. “He was arrested twice for drunk driving and, I think, once for stealing a dog. He’d come across a Chihuahua he liked and stuck it in his jacket.”

Nick Cage denied her charges through his PR rep. So that’s where my goddamn Chihuahua Debbie Lipshitz went as a child! Damn you, Nicolas Cage! I cried for at least a half-hour until the “Charlie’s Angels” re-run came on!

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