“Katee Holmes” To Lose Virginity On Film


Some whimsical lass has decided to take “Katee Holmes” as her porn name . This chick is crazy, because Tom will call down Xenu and his starship fleet to take her out.

A blond-haired, blue-eyed fashion student, who claims to be a virgin, has changed her name to Katee Holmes and is launching a porn career in which she’ll be deflowered in her first movie. And that’s got the real Katie Holmes’ camp in an uproar.

“It’s a really cheap shot,” a rep for the actress, who’s married to Tom Cruise, told Page Six. But Shy Love, an adult film vet who manages the 5-foot-9, 122-pound Katee – a small-town girl from Illinois – insisted: “Katee is using the name as a tribute to Katie, who has always portrayed an innocence in everything she’s done, beginning with ‘Dawson’s Creek.’ ”

Yes, because really tight shots of vaginal penetration is a tribute like no other. It’s more prestigious than the Kennedy Center Honors, and at least Jessica Simpson isn’t messing up “9 to 5″. A rep for Katie said that Tom Cruise would “obviously” support her if she decides to do anything about this. And by support her, he means train the L. Ron Hubbard’s Death Star’s laser cannon on the fake “Katee”‘s studio apartment and vaporize her.