Ancient Jewish Mysticism Brings Rich People Together

October 14th, 2007 // 14 Comments

Ashton Kutcher’s thinking “yeah, she’s hot but is it worth all this bullshit? I mean, do I really want to be with an old chick with three kids who spent scads of cash on making sure her knees weren’t wrinkled? Is that normal? And god, why did she make me wear this Q-Tip suit? I feel dumb.” Ashton and Demi Moore, along with Madonna and her baby David Banda attended a Kabbalah meeting in NYC. Hey, it’s less irritating than Scientology. I’d bash Scientology more but people end up dead if they criticize it too much and my ass is way too precious to be in the ground. Earlier in the week, Madge, her daughter Lourdes, Lourdes’ sperm donor Carlos Leon and Madge’s best friend/ex-girlfriend Ingrid Casares attended “Celia: The Life and Music of Celia Cruz” off-Broadway. Madge knows how to keep it together – the chick she used to lick is still in the picture, the personal trainer she put in her to create Lourdes still sticks around….even if people get dumped by her, they still want to orbit Madonna. She’s like the sun. Plus – she has A LOT of money.

(WENN)

By J. Harvey
  1. stephen

    madge is the vadge.

  2. so what

    Ashton really doesn’t look very happy..shes pulling him along like hes one of her children!

  3. jbonz

    He’s got that “Daddy, where are you??” look on his face that we’ve seen so often on Britney’s kids.
    I think the poor sap really thought Demi would be his surrogate Mommy and he could go on being that knucklehead guy he played on “That 70s Show” forever.

  4. Darth Paul

    I hate all those soul soliciting pig fookers.

  5. “Ashton really doesn’t look very happy..shes pulling him along like hes one of her children!”

    He dressed like one of the kids, too. Ha ha, he’s bought and paid for.

  6. Ugh

    Don’t know why but I find it disturbing that he’s married what could be his mama.

  7. green cardigan

    Does he look in the mirror and think ‘yeah! I look like a bad ass toddler’ .

    Demi should dress him better than that.

  8. peachpie

    maybe he just had a kabbalah-epiphany and saw the light. it looks like he was blinded by it.

    poor sap. more than he bargained for.

  9. Simone

    I can’t get over the look on Ashton’s face! Not feelin the Kabballllalllahists anymore Ash, me boy?! Poor schmuck.

  10. SweetXmas

    Ashton, come on now! Have some self respect.

    Ashton, can you spell DORK!

  11. J

    Love madonna’s hat, what brand it is?

  12. Greg

    “C’mon honey you know we can’t be late.”
    “But Mama I don’t wanna go!”
    “Now Ashton sweetie we discussed this before if
    you’re a good boy we’ll stop for ice cream on the way home.”

  13. puddintain

    Ashton is dressed in white and Demi in black because of kabbalah teaching. The man is the sun and the woman, the moon. Madonna is also dressed in black and her son in white. Madonna’s cap is sporting a spider. I don’t know what is means, and if I cared even a little, I would have investigated, but I don’t care. I regard all these celebrities and their bullshit religions as deserving of revolutionary backlash. Madonna was the biggest whore in the universe. She can’t stop being that. Millions of little whores adored and emulated her whoredom. The same is true of Demi. Why should she stop spreading her legs and baring all just because she is old? Give us a break, old whores. Show your sagging tits and surgery scars.

  14. puddintain

    Ashton is dressed in white and Demi in black because of kabbalah teaching. The man is the sun and the woman, the moon. Madonna is also dressed in black and her son in white. Madonna’s cap is sporting a spider. I don’t know what is means, and if I cared even a little, I would have investigated, but I don’t care. I regard all these celebrities and their bullshit religions as deserving of revolutionary backlash. Madonna was the biggest whore in the universe. She can’t stop being that. Millions of little whores adored and emulated her whoredom. The same is true of Demi. Why should she stop spreading her legs and baring all just because she is old? Give us a break, old whores. Show your sagging tits and surgery scars.

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