John Mayer Denies Making Out With Perez Hilton

April 3rd, 2008 // 11 Comments

Ugh. Really? Is this late April Fool’s or Pop Fuction (yeah, I used a “u”)? John Mayer’s minions are denying Perez Hilton’s claims that they had a steamy make-out session on New Year’s Eve 07. He’s annoyed because Mayer supposedly keeps talking shit about him.

Seriously, how will I ever get this boner to go down thinking about that hotness? It’s like I took a Cialis! I always thought Mayer’s outhouse door might swing both ways, but I didn’t know he was into clown cars.

Then again, I met him once and I liked his sweater and I was so drunk that I probably would have done him. His hair wasn’t pink back then!

“There was chemistry between John and I. He sang in my ear. It turned me on. John said, ‘I’m going to outdo Perez tonight,’ and kissed me for five minutes.” My god, I might have to castrate myself. This allegedly took place in front of John’s then girlfriend, Jessica Simpson.

Perez is offering to take a lie detector test. This is probably total bullshit but maybe Mayer wanted to know if the pubes downstairs looked like cotton candy as well. I’m going to leap out a window for writing that.

Photos: Splash

By J. Harvey

  1. Tanya

    There will be no window leaping for you mister! You haven’t posted the Top Model recap yet.

    And your readers love you. Isn’t that reason enough to Brillo the image of Mr. Emo and Mr. Elmo tounge wrestling from your mind?

  2. dee

    Where was I when this story came about? Ew! And plus, NO ONE can take what John Mayer says seriously anymore because he’s like ALWAYS joking.

  3. B.SophiaLoren

    I’m with Tanya- I live for your Top Model recaps, and ESPECIALLY after last night’s debacle.
    That show- so pretentious, such a joke. Like the crazy/fabulosity that is Kimora Lee Simmons or Victoria Beckham.

  4. B.SophiaLoren

    Oh- and Perez makes me ashamed to be gay. If you would have done him, I would SERIOUSLY think less of you for like, @ least ten minutes. -2 points, Mr. Harvey.
    Maybe after the ANTM recap, I’ll give them back.

  5. S_M_G

    My theory about Perez is that he fell on his head when he was very young.

    John posted a blog about a week ago and it had something like “a gay guy who had a hard life because of his situation making fun of other people”.

    I thought it was well said and not an insult to Perez.

    He is a Ho man! I can’t imagine any self respecting gay dating Perez. He is disgusting and a 12 year old in a huge body.

  6. m

    Ha ha ha!! . . . “into clown cars” ha ha ha! That is the best thing I’ve ever heard. I love this site.

  7. Loob

    Ahhahaa!! J.Harv, you had me laughing so hard,
    …but then I read the rest and now I just feel nauseous. Not your fault of course, it’s this Perez character. Oog.

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