Ugh. Really? Is this late April Fool’s or Pop Fuction (yeah, I used a “u”)? John Mayer’s minions are denying Perez Hilton’s claims that they had a steamy make-out session on New Year’s Eve 07. He’s annoyed because Mayer supposedly keeps talking shit about him.
Seriously, how will I ever get this boner to go down thinking about that hotness? It’s like I took a Cialis! I always thought Mayer’s outhouse door might swing both ways, but I didn’t know he was into clown cars.
Then again, I met him once and I liked his sweater and I was so drunk that I probably would have done him. His hair wasn’t pink back then!
“There was chemistry between John and I. He sang in my ear. It turned me on. John said, ‘I’m going to outdo Perez tonight,’ and kissed me for five minutes.” My god, I might have to castrate myself. This allegedly took place in front of John’s then girlfriend, Jessica Simpson.
Perez is offering to take a lie detector test. This is probably total bullshit but maybe Mayer wanted to know if the pubes downstairs looked like cotton candy as well. I’m going to leap out a window for writing that.