John and Jessica Have Silent Rage-Filled Dinners Like The Rest of Us

January 25th, 2007 // 4 Comments

Page Six reports that Jessica Simpson and John Mayer have already reached the point where they have nothing to talk about.

JESSICA Simpson and John Mayer’s dates may be more fun for the paparazzi than for the couple. Spies at Nobu in South Beach told Page Six that, despite the ruckus caused by their entrance, the two barely spoke on their Tuesday night date. “John was extremely quiet and didn’t speak a lot,” said a source, while Jessica “just gave a lot of puppy-dog looks and twirled and twisted her hair.” The two were seen holding hands, but Simpson left Mayer for 20 minutes while she “fixed herself up for the camera” before heading back to their hotel.

Seriously, what’s to say? There’s only so many times he can endure conversations about cami tops and lipgloss and Pinkberry and My Little Pony and how she didn’t do that for Nick or for any other guy because her Dad told her putting it in her mouth causes cancer so she can’t very well do it for him. Jesus doesn’t like hypocrites. Right now, Mayer is regretting that whole I should give that hotass Jessica a call again. I mean, she was dumb as a stump and highly annoying but a wildcat in the missionary position.

(Splash)

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. Lisa

    That was one of the funniest rants ever!!!

    Thanks J!

  2. LJMS

    I can almost bet that John Mayer is upset at his manager for renting Jessica Simpson as his girlfriend.. that’s right, I said rent.. They probably paid Papa Joe a heckload of Money so he could make Jessica act as John Mayer’s girlfriend…

  3. susiegrl

    Well no wonder! I mean come on, what’s there to say after,
    JM:”Double-D’s?”
    JS: “Yeah”
    JM:”So,are you gonna finish your Tuna-
    Fish sandwich?
    JS: “This? Oh no, it’s not Tuna fish, it’s
    Chicken-Of-The-Sea silly!”

  4. jen

    he can’t be *that* interested in her because in every picture i see, he’s walking 5 feet in front of her. maybe he’s trying to escape and she thinks it’s just extra cardio.

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