Jessica Alba Holds Grudges

August 27th, 2007 // 29 Comments

Jessica Alba has a chip on her shoulder. It’s slightly in front of the burden on her back. You know, the one from being gorgeous? She chose the Teen Choice Awards to air her grievance with a boy she knew in high school. I might think this was touching and funny if I didn’t think she’s a straight-up bitch. Seriously, she complains about being pretty. Tell that to my pustules! Ok, that was gross – but Mondays are rough up in here.

“I would like to dedicate this award to a young man who has been on my mind for the last 19 years: Ross,” Jessica Alba, 26, told a rapt audience as she accepted the female hottie award. “Ross didn’t love me. I was pigeon-toed, I had a sway back, I was slightly cross-eyed, buck-toothed, I sucked my thumb.” She added, with a laugh: “Look at me now, Ross! Look at me now!”

Ross looked from the TV to his fourth toddler who just put her poopy diaper on the dog’s head and then at his wife who hasn’t lost the baby weight, and thought about their ugly lawn and how much he hates his job and cocked his revolver. Way to destroy a family, Jessica!


By J. Harvey

  1. nastybugger

    I might not dislike her so much if she actually had some talent.

    watching her on screen is PAINFUL.

  2. Nanc'

    Yea, I wouldn’t bet on ol’ Russ regretting his choices. Maybe he didn’t dump her because she had physical “flaws” but rather because she was a needy, insecure mess. Who knows? And btw, I’m the world’s biggest grudge-holder over something SIGNIFICANT but it’s kind of shittious to gloat publicly about how rich and beautiful she is now.

  3. ladeeda

    I’d actually prefer a poopy diaper to Jessica Alba.

  4. God she’s such a lame ass sometimes… I’m sure she thought this little diatribe was hilarious and I doubt she was even keyed up at the time she said it.

    How boring!


  5. hmmm

    past 19 years? so she was 7??


    Her HERPES makes her say NONSENSE!!

  7. ya ya

    You’re stupid, skinny, and ugly. Damn alien.

  8. walker

    She is the queen of stupid comments.
    She plays it innocent and sweet when she knows it will benefit her, like with the paparrazzi, “they can take my picture if I have a movie coming out.” Then she switches, “the paps? I could give two shits about them.” Another stupid comment “I don’t show much butt or cleavage.” YEAH RIGHT! What about in all of your half naked spreads in guy’s magazines?

  9. shut up already

    she’s a big ho. That’s why she got the Herp.

  10. bi**ch slap
    She’s a gross, conceited ho. And she’s such a a sh*t talker. SHUT UP ALREADY, HERPES INFECTED HO!

  11. theoriginalbitch

    So, a 7 year old hurled an insult and she’s still gripping on it? Oh Jessie, you sad stupid pathetic little twat.

  12. silvarga

    That whole speech was fake. There was never a Ross and I highly doubt that Alba ever wore a brace at any time in her life. You could tell by the way she and Zack looked at each other before accepting their awards, that they knew this was a fucking joke and were there to “maintain their younger demographic”.

    Can’t say that I blame her for making that up though… I mean, wtf kind of speech are you going to give getting for a Teen Choice award for being hot(and a f*cking surfboard at that)? – “Thanks for voting me best Whack Attack. Keep On Spankin’!” At least she was thoughtful enough to make up an ugly-duckling-to-swan” story while not crossing that line into America Ferrara’s territory.

    You KNOW someone found that surfboard in a dumpster and hour later… that someone was probably Zack.

  13. LoRider

    America Ferrara is one ugly bi+ch and I am proud to say I’ve never watched her show, though I did watch “Ugly Vanessa” when Vanessa Vanilla donned a fat suit and cried because people weren’t nice to her on E.T. Jessica Alba once cried when she realized she had no talent and apparently has herpes according to this site – but alas she lost her train of thought and was happy again.

    Ride Lo

  14. Clementines

    She’s still all that with a monkey mouth.. eh Ross? heh

  15. Palm Beach Princess

    sounds about right. this overrated troll thinks the world revolves around her and she isnt as hot as blogs say, even the superfical dude admitted it.
    shes just a self-hating, low self esteemed trollup with herpes and a major chip on her shoulder. she needs to get over herself.

  16. lb

    I bet Ross is having the last laugh…I bet he doesn’t have to worry about taking Valtrex. Jokes on you Alba.

  17. whatevs

    shes obssessed with looks in general and shes self absorbed….shes complained several times to sevvvvvvveral media outlets basically any chance she gets that she used to be really ‘ugly’ and the other thing i’ve heard her complain about several times is how being too pretty is a
    ‘burden’ …so when shes not complaining about what she used to look like, she’s complaing about what she looks like now…either way she is compeletely self absorbed about her appearance…

  18. Mattia ITA

    Damn don’t take her seriously, she was only joking :)… Why you americans have to be always serious?

  19. Persistent Cat

    So let me get this straight, the award she got was for being “hot”? And she showed up. Despite the fact she’s constantly crying that no one can get past her, and I quote “hotness.” But she showed up.

    I never get tired of pretty girls saying they were ugly growing up. And IF there was a Ross (and there wasn’t), I’m sure a 26 year old male is watching the Teen Choice Awards.

  20. featherbell

    Note to Jessica: Get over it, already. P.S. Ross, don’t pull the trigger. She’s still a bitch.

  21. MARSHA


  22. Dat_dOod

    YET ANOTHER overrated boney ass celebutard….Jessica Alba hasnt been hot since her early days on Dark angel. The dumb bitch looks like a lolipop now. I’ve seen girls workin at Walgreens here in Miami that put this idiot to shame.

  23. T - 1000

    I like Jessica as much as the next guy (more so back when she was curvier and thus 10x hotter) but the stuff that comes out of her mouth makes me sick. Maybe thats something me and her have in common. She clearly makes herself sick and listening to her has the same affect on me. So to recap; she hates looking so good, she hates being famous, she hates her body (hense why shes tried to look like a 12yr old boy), she hates dressing up all sexy (contrary to 99% of the evidence) and on top of all that she seems like a right stuck up be-hatch to boot. Plus shes only ever done two things worth a dam, Dark Angel and Sin City. I really dislike this girl, shes not exactly girl-next-door material. I think thats enough rant for now.

  24. walker

    oH YEAH! i HEARD THIS STORY BEFORE! She gave him a kiss so he would pick her to be on his team and he didn’t! HA HA HA ! Jokes on you Alba! That’s why she’s mad! HA HA HA HA! She is a bitter bitch. Holding a grudge for 19years? pathetic.

    Yeah she told this story in an interview.Just like everything else she spills out to anyone that will listen to her fat mouth. You just need to shut up, ok?

  25. shut up already

    How about a message for Derek, Jessica?

    “Derek, you A*S! you gave me herpes! Look at me now! Look at me!”
    That would’ve been funny.

  26. Ovverrated

    I’ve seen some sore action on her lip in different shots. It’s more noticeable in the pics from the Fantastic 4 premiere in L.A.

  27. bettiep

    She has gotten so skinny. Must be from the smoking. I think that whole breakup story was just a publicity stunt.

  28. ya ya

    She sure has gotten around. I guess she’s one of the low-key sluts of Hollywood. You can definitely see like a scar or something on her lip. I heard that he has infected alot of chicks with it.

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