Jessica Alba Started Early

February 28th, 2008 // 2 Comments

So Wine Ostrich over here wrote an essay for a new book just filled with essays by female celebrities. That must be a superlative read. Seriously, cause I want to know about their struggles being rich and gorgeous. In hers, Jessica Alba claims her sixth grade teacher and some of the PTA moms thought she was a “slut” because she had big boobs. My sympathy for her ass is nil because she radiates stank, but that was a judgmental school she went to. Was this the bible belt? Was Carrie’s Mom the principal? “First the blood, then the boys come a’running like sniffin’ dogs!” Aiiieeeeehhhh! “The accusation still ricochets . . . They think I’m a slut?,” the burdened by gorgeousness Alba says in “If I’d Known Then” by Ellyn Spragins. Oh you’re fine now. You have a money, and a baby on the way. Maybe you shouldn’t have been giving oral behind the jungle gym, huh?


By J. Harvey

  1. mojoman

    God, she is so conceited, cant freaking stand her. May you have a polka dot baby instead of idiot!!

  2. Persistent Cat

    I can totally understand how she feels and it’s hard. I too have large breasts, and I’m blonde and 5’6″ and because of that, my legs are long so it’s hard to find pants that fit. I just wish everyone would stop commenting on it and making such a big deal. It’s so hard to be a pretty, white woman. You have no idea.

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