Jessica Simpson Is Newly Cultured, Makes Elopement Threats

I could watch episodes of Newlyweds on repeat, but these days I can’t handle what comes out of Jessica Simpson’s mouth.  Us magazine tracked down an interview she gave today to Women’s Wear Daily, and it is brimming with all sorts of silliness.

As you know, Simpson was proposed to by ex-NFL player Eric Johnson last November (timeline: a six month courtship topped off with a fuggers ring shortly after Simpson’s ex Nick Lachey proposed to Vanessa Minnillo).  The two met when Johnson arrived to hang with mutual friends at Simpson’s house: “He came to the door and said, ‘This is Eric Johnson,’ and I said, ‘Who?’ And he said he was coming to hang out.”

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Apparently Johnson is really into art, and it’s rubbed off on Simpson.  Her main squeeze is taking art classes at UCLA and has no plans to be a Hollywood schmooze (that is, until Joe Simpson comes up with his next brills idea).   Simpson is notorious for taking on the interests and hobbies of whomever she is dating, so her newfound interest comes as no surprise.  Simpson claims that she loves to stay in and watch documentaries with Johnson, hang out with painters and even collects art!

Simpson and the fiance are uber-mellow.  She told the fashion daily, “It takes a lot to get us stressed out. We talk through everything. You’ll see him off in the corner, and what’s Eric doing? He’s just meditating.” WHAT?

Simpson will be involved in the designing of her wedding dress for the big day, assuring WWD that if things get to be too much, she and Johnson will elope.  No shot.  Joe Simpson would sooner die than miss a chance to sell those wedding pics.