Jeremy Piven Embracing His Destiny

Look at this one. Could he be any douchier? Isn’t he a little old for the California hipster deal? Why does this new role seem incredibly fitting for him? Jeremy Piven is going to play a used car salesman in his next flick. He’s going to co-star with Will Ferrell. Another irritating one. Why does this concept remind me of the time I was trying to put a belt on and I drove the spike that goes through the hole UNDER MY FINGERNAIL. I would rather do that to myself again and again then watch these two pricks interact. I’d rather watch real life footage of Piven mocking a hostess for working in a restaurant or screaming at his aged mother in public. That’s interesting to me. Or him masturbating to a glossy 8×10 of his former best friend John Cusack. You know he used to do that back in the day.

“The Goods: The Don Ready Story” is the first comedy Paramount Vantage has green-lighted under its deal with Will Ferrell and Adam McKay’s Gary Sanchez Prods.

Piven will play a character who’s hired to save a struggling car dealership during a Fourth of July weekend sale.

Ugh, no thanks. But I’m sure it will be a big hit with the fratboy set. Or maybe it will be a flop! And as embarrassing for that tool Piven as the time I spelled “Venetian” as “Venician”. Yes, that was yesterday.