Jennifer Lopez And Her ‘Reality Show’ Can Go To Hell

April 30th, 2008 // 5 Comments

So Jennifer Lopez has a “reality show” coming to TLC. I shouldn’t call it that because celebs get huffy when you refer to it as that nowadays. They think “reality show” sounds trashy so they call it “documentary experience” or “true to life record” or some other bullshit when it really means “this format is pretty cheap and could result in greater exposure for my career.”

Word is that J. Lo’s show isn’t even going to feature that ghoul Marc Anthony or the new twins! Why would I watch then? The show will reportedly “track the creation, production and eventual launch of a new fragrance,” according to her manager, Simon Fields. That stinks. Literally.

Lopez will appear in a “creative, entrepreneurial capacity” and the show will “absolutely not” feature her family. This guy isn’t exactly a marketing genius. Dude, you kicked your possible audience in the balls and told them not to bother. People want to see J. Lo in full bitch-mode, haranguing servants, passing the kids off to nannies, and encouraging her corpse bride to suck even more hemoglobin so she can splash it on her face to retain her skin’s natural glow!

I wouldn’t tune in to watch this! I could be watching Food Network Challenge, or N.C.I.S., or a f*cking test signal. What a letdown.

Photos: Getty Images

More photos of Jennifer Lopez at the TLC upfronts are after the jump.

Photos: Getty Images

By J. Harvey

  1. DruNken LauRen

    Ditto, my man J.

  2. jimi

    More than any other celebrity . . . EVER . . . jblow has somehow managed to become a celebrity with absolutely no talent what so ever.

  3. spaz

    so, uh…the whole thing is basically going to be a several-episodes-long commercial?

  4. Persistent Cat

    Wasn’t everyone ragging on Denise Richards for dragging her kids into her reality show? Why is JLo different? Those shows suck anyway and as long as people watch, that crap won’t stop.

  5. kitt

    oh man j. harvey you should win an award for your writing in this one. it’s so right on and so hilarious…..

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