Jennifer Aniston To Wed Douche? (Part 34)

July 22nd, 2008 // 27 Comments

Jennifer Aniston is reportedly considering (ok, desperate to be) getting hitched to John Mayer.

“Jen is so in love with John (that) they are
already talking marriage,” some random says.  “I would
not be at all surprised to see Jen and John make it legal sooner rather
than later.  In fact, I would be shocked if they didn’t tie the knot
before her 40th birthday in February.”

Blah blah blah. You know what Jennifer needs to liven her ass up? She needs to play some sort of action heroine or psychotic killer. What she needs to break out of her wheat toast boring ass desperate to have a man and a baby mode is to snap someone’s neck with her bare hands on film.

She needs to rip someone’s ear off with her teeth and then spit out their earring. Either that or some sort of Sharon Stoneesque coochie-flashing character. Whenever she’s on the screen, that sleep aid commercial butterfly alights on my face and I lose consciousness.

Click any photo to view all 10 photos of Jennifer Aniston in the gallery!


Jennifer Aniston is reportedly considering (ok, desperate to be) getting hitched to John Mayer. “Jen is so in love with John (that) they are
already talking marriage,” some random says.  “I would
not be at all surprised to see Jen and John make it legal sooner rather
than later.  In fact, I would be shocked if they didn’t tie the knot
before her 40th birthday in February.”
Blah
blah blah. You know what Jennifer needs to liven her ass up? She needs
to play some sort of action heroine or psychotic killer. What she needs
to break out of her wheat toast boring ass desperate to have a man and a baby mode is to snap someone’s neck with her bare hands on film. She
needs to rip someone’s ear off with her teeth and then spit out their
earring. Either that or some sort of Sharon Stoneesque coochie-flashing
character. Whenever she’s on the screen, that sleep aid commercial
butterfly alights on my face and I lose consciousness.Check out all 10 photos of Jennifer Aniston in the gallery!

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. Zekers

    Bullsh*t.

  2. monica

    She just needs to marry Ross.

  3. Just me

    Hey Monica check it out. Ross is a fictional character. You need to get a life.

  4. wildflower509

    I think that would be terrific! They appear to share a great deal of respect and love for one another, as well as share the same values, and have a lot of common goals. I truly believe they could become one of Hollywoods power-couples. One classy fem…love it!

  5. devil

    I’m not convinced that JA wants children. If she really, really did she’d have them by now. Plenty of women raise children alone, and she certainly has the money to afford all the help she’d ever need. And if she adopted kids, she wouldn’t have to ruin her figure.

    I agree that Jennifer Aniston needs to give her acting career a boost somehow. Anything too sexy could backfire, though (too obvious).

  6. T-Bone

    An action hero could be a good role for Jenn — sort of a funny, clumsy, action hero that kicks a$$. Not a bad idea.

    And if she and John get along well, have common values and interests, and are committed to one another — more power to both of them.

  7. for reals?

    Hey Just Me, check it out…

    I’m pretty sure that “Monica” was making a joke. You know, MONICA, Ross’ sister?

    you need to get a sense of humor.

  8. b.SL

    Oh, Harvey… what you’ve suggested is that she become ANGELINA. And she doesn’t have it in her. (Didn’t “Derailed”.. gently flop?)

  9. someone

    Her and John haven’t been dating very long, but stranger things have happened in hollyweird…As far as her having kids, Halle Berry was 40 when she had Nahla..and Marcia Cross was in her early 40s..Nicole Kidman is 41…so Jen still has time..

  10. T-Bone

    Angelina Jolie uses her body and sex to sell movies. Jennifer Aniston uses cute and funny. What’s the difference??? Everyone’s using what they’ve got. I, personally, respect comedic timing more than sex appeal, when it comes to acting, but whatever. I appreciate Jolie for movies like Gia and Girl Interupted, just as I appreciate Aniston for movies like Office Space and Along Came Polly. Jenn could easily pull off a semi-awkward superhero.

  11. MDD

    John Mayer like Sienna Miller will be moving onto the next one soon.

  12. debkakes

    JA has always seemed like a likable person to me. And for all his so-called douchyness, JM is really cute and funny too. Good luck to ‘em. I agree, though, it would be great to see JA in a breakout, exciting role. No more romantic comedies. Than again, I’d love to see everyone stop making romantic comedies, since they are usually neither romantic nor funny.

  13. douche'

    Well, she *was* in the movie Leprachan, and I can’t remember, but I think she might have beat his little green ass to a pulp.

  14. ashly smith

    jennifer get a new hair style
    its getting boring

  15. ashly smith

    jennifer get a new hair style
    its getting boring

  16. Justmeeee

    Maybe she can’t have kids, some of can’t and there’s no reason to go on and on about it. She either wants one or she doesn’t, it’s her right.

  17. That'sMayjah

    I love these boring Aniston freaks: If you love her so much why don’t you all support her movies and help them not flop so bad? I’ll tell you why…because these Aniston Freaks are all mouth and not even they can stand her boring ass on film. She is THE most overrated “actress.” Bo. Ring. Nice hairstyle from the year 2000 Jennifer. Does “considering marriage” mean “he’s make a good co-star in the fabulous movie that is my boring life?” Then, yeah. I bet she is considering marriage. Plus…he’s a total douche with that femme voice of his and his fey lyrics. Barf.

  18. Sam

    Why do some people act as if the life expectancy age is 60? Saying things like ‘if she wanted kids she would have had them by now’ is ridiculous. You think being 39 = having one foot in the grave?
    Lots of people have children after 40, just look at Halle Berry and Nicole Kidman.

  19. jennifer

    Sorry guys AJ. is a whore, and anyone thinks otherwise, thats the problem in America.

  20. Jenfraud

    Aniston is an embarrassment to all working women with children. She “chose career over family” my ass. Plenty of us can manage BOTH. Look at other Oscar winners, Angelina, Zeta Jones, Juila Roberts, Reese, the list goes on and on. Ooops, Aniston doesn’t even have an Oscar. My bad.

  21. jennifer

    Jenfraud you think you are doing both, but I promise you either career or your family suffers. Dont be a hepocrite.

  22. mythicalblyss

    C’mon people. She doesn’t want children. Ugh! Isn’t that why Brad left her. He wanted kids. She kept PRETENDING like she did, but would never commit to a time to get pregnant. All that baby talk is the pr mill trying to make it look like Brad was a horrible person for leaving her. WHATEVER. This bitch, nice or not, got exactly what she deserved.

  23. sarathomas

    sometimes i just can’t stop reading people’s comments, because i’m so shocked people freakin’ care so much. these posts betray the fact that not a single person commenting really knows anything significant about any of the people being discussed. i guess i don’t get why people get so worked up and start calling people they don’t know bitches and whores, etc. whatever. i’m just saying.

  24. Melissa

    I have seen everyone of Jennifer’s movies, I loved Derailed and I really enjoyed Rumor Has It.

  25. Kayla

    Ick! If he marries her his life will be ruined! He is a rock star not an actress’s husband! He plays such good music and now I every time I hear it I feel sick…No John Boy don’t do it!

  26. Liz

    Love Mayer but what in the hell is he doing with her? We all know he is hot he doesn’t have to prove it by going out with celebs. I guess he is too good to be seen with just any unknown woman now.

  27. RonnieG

    Some of you have not moved on and are still unable to recognize people and emotions evolve and some people actually move on and live their lives not according to gossip blogs. I would suggest the majority of you turn off your computers and support your local Starbucks. Have a conversation, meet people, and realize you do not know Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer and will never meet them. Get out side , volunteer at a homeless shelter, a food bank or a soup kitchen and get a life

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