UPDATE: Is Jennifer Aniston Boarding The Celebrity Baby Train? (Looks Like No)

This should help her get up out of those doldrums she’s been languishing in ever since Brad Pitt left her for Angelina Jolie. “The National Enquirer” is screaming that Jennifer Aniston is with child. This actually sounds feasible to me. She wants kids. There’s no stable man around. And the clock is ticking. Speculation as to who the alleged father would be is centering around three possible choices: Vince Vaughn, Jason Lewis (Smith from “Sex and the City”) and that British model she was having round’ for tea, crumpets and shagging – Paul Sculfor. If this purported impending bundle of joy wipes that puss off her face, it’s fine by me. Extra points will be scored if the baby comes out wearing a “Rachel” hairstyle. Even if it’s a boy.

UPDATE: Jennifer Aniston is now denying she is with child, via her representatives. You know she called her reps and was totally passive-aggressive and slightly whiny. There was no shrieking but there was a lot of “you know, I pay you guys a lot of money to protect me from this and I really don’t appreciate….blah blah blah”. You know how she is. She allegedly had a martini at a Christmas Eve dinner with Courtney Cox and that poor bastard David Arquette and had her hair colored. Which you don’t do if you’re pregnant. Unless you’re really trashy. Like Britney. Or Nicole Richie. Screw that charity, bitch was seen smoking!