The final night of Dancing With The Stars is upon us! Are you scared? I’m scared. I’m scared if Bristol wins, some crazy is going to do something worse than shoot his TV.
I was unaware that not only was it the Finale, but also Watch the DWTS rejects dance again. This must be what it’s like to live in Germany…aka Land of the Hoff.
Even more bizarre? A nice little sneak peak of the hot mess that will be Burlesque with Christina Aguilera and Cher. Even more? The sports-themed dance with Kurt Warner and Rick Fox. Just no. Even more bizarre? The Situation trying to look sexy while dancing shirtless with three women. Even he looked uncomfortable. How he picks up the ladies is unclear. All was made well with the obligatory I Am Beautiful by Xtina (It looks better that way).
Everyone had to do a ChaCha to Raise Your Glass by Pink. Their final dances were great – even if Bristol’s outfit looked like Elmo’s prom dress, and Jennifer’s looked like the more elegant affair version. Did anyone else notice that Mark’s nonchalant bowtie was basically glued to his shirt? Not so nonchalant anymore, eh?
In the end, it played out exactly how we all thought it would. Bristol & Mark came in third, followed by Kyle & Lacey (sob!) in second, followed by our winners, Jennifer & Derek. This is Derek’s third Mirrorball Trophy. Damn! You know what? Jennifer deserved it. She carried a watermelon for us. She injured herself at least three times an episode. She got a metal plate put in her neck. She wore outfits I won’t even wear now, never mind when I’m her age – and managed to rock them. And honestly, she has proven that really, no one can ever leave Baby in the corner. Patrick would be proud.
Over and out, my friends. Dance on.