Jasmine Waltz: Rip Her To Shreds!

Just to be clear, that title is a reference to a Blondie song, not an incitement to violence!

There tends to be a formula when any celebrity mistress surfaces, and we’ve arrived at the step when Jasmine Waltz, David Arquette’s conquest after separating from wife Courteney Cox, goes through a fairly thorough character assassination.

E! did a little detective work to find that Jasmine, an aspiring actress, has bedded Doug Reinhardt and Jesse McCartney, and you may also remember her as the alleged Lindsay-Lohan-puncher (I guess it’s not all bad).

They also found some forays into the wrong side of the law, with one misdemeanor petty larceny and one misdemeanor petty larceny, both in Florida over ten years ago.

Alright, clearly not one of Satan’s minions (or even a Bombshell McGee), but probably yet another star-fucker nevertheless.  Don’t act surprised, there are more out there than you think.  Though, in her defense, David outed her ass on Howard Stern; she didn’t try to sell her story to People or anything.  Yet…

Here’s the evil succubus now, leaving the gym in LA Tuesday.  Maybe I’m jaded from looking at pictures of celebrities all day, but this chick is one of a million young ladies just like her, living in LA, working as waitresses, and wanting to be actresses (and punching Lindsay Lohan).  Don’t girls want to grow up and be doctors anymore?  I’m going to sublimate my sadness with the feminist movement by eating Oreos and watching America’s Next Top Model.