Dear Jake Gyllenhaal,
Hey! Hope you’re doing well. So, I just want to say how attractive you looked today at the Madrid premiere of your movie, Enemy. I’m really excited to see Enemy. I mean, you playing identical people–one of whom is evil–sounds really exciting.
I mean, everything you do is exciting. You’re a really talented actor. And that beard looks very snazzy on you. You grew it for your new movie Everest, right? That movie should be pretty magical. So, umm, what’s up with the man bun?
Now, maybe it’s just me Jake, but I can’t get into the man bun. Like sure, it didn’t look entirely horrible on Jared Leto at the Golden Globes. And it could look worse on you on the red carpet. But I just, eh. What if we tried beard with short hair? Would we like that?
Guess we’ll just have to wait and see. I assume that all the hair will be gone when you’re done shooting Everest. Anyway Jake, I love you. And if you want, you should launch the gallery to check out photos of yourself. Thanks for being awesome dude. You’re a gem.
Love always and forever,