Is This Poor Girl Lindsay Lohan’s Half-Sister?

July 1st, 2008 // 1 Comment

Poor little girl. Thrust into the hellish netherworld of having loudmouthed attention freak Michael Lohan as your dad and that freckled mess Lindsay Lohan as big sis. Plus, you know that if she is his daughter, he’s totally going to go for broke and sign her to a reality show with his retarded ass.

Michael Lohan says that he took a DNA test yesterday to find out if Ashley Kauffman is his kid or not. Cody Lohan needs to kick his soccer ball at his dumb ass of a father’s head.

“It was a swab, a paternity test. If the test is found to be negative she’s [Montana massage therapist Kristi Kauffman] gonna be sued for libel and defamation,” he said.

This loudmouth Jackass reportedly hooked up with the Montana massage therapist while he was on a break from Lindsay Lohan’s mother, Dina. Where’s Dina’s press conference? I’ve been waiting for that one. Dina will probably welcome little Ashley into their Long Island mansion so she can make money off her before Michael does. Plus, if she sings better than Ali, their might be a certain younger Lohan daughter forced out into the streets.

Lohan says that Kauffman contacted him while he was in jail in 2005, after a paternity test revealed that Ashley’s dad wasn’t who she thought it was. They reportedly met years ago, in 1982.

This new babymama went to OK! with her story and Lohan finds her to be repulsive. Why, because she hit the tabs before you could, sucka?

“She said she wants her daughter to have a relationship with my
kids – especially Lindsay and Ali – and that’s pretty sick. I will never force my children to meet with Ashley,” he says.

Unless he can cut some kind of reunion special deal with one of the networks.


Poor little girl.
Thrust into the hellish netherworld of having loudmouthed attention
freak Michael Lohan as your dad and that freckled mess Lindsay Lohan as
big sis. Plus, you know that if she is his daughter, he’s totally going
to go for broke and sign her to a reality show with his retarded ass.

Michael Lohan says that he took a DNA test yesterday to find out if Ashley Kauffman is his kid or not. Cody Lohan needs to kick his soccer ball at his dumb ass of a father’s head.

“It was a swab, a paternity test. If the test is found to be
negative she’s [Montana massage therapist Kristi Kauffman] gonna be
sued for libel and defamation,” he said.

This loudmouth Jackass reportedly hooked up with the Montana massage
therapist while he was on a break from Lindsay Lohan’s mother, Dina.
Where’s Dina’s press conference? I’ve been waiting for that one. Dina
will probably welcome little Ashley into their Long Island mansion so
she can make money off her before Michael does. Plus, if she sings
better than Ali, their might be a certain younger Lohan daughter forced
out into the streets.

Lohan says that Kauffman contacted him while he was in jail in 2005,
after a paternity test revealed that Ashley’s dad wasn’t who she
thought it was. They reportedly met years ago, in 1982.

This new babymama went to OK! with her story and Lohan finds her to
be repulsive. Why, because she hit the tabs before you could, sucka?

“She said she wants her daughter to have a relationship with my
kids – especially Lindsay and Ali – and that’s pretty sick. I will never force my children to meet with Ashley,” he says.

Unless he can cut some kind of reunion special deal with one of the networks.

By J. Harvey
  1. angelchrome

    Looks like Lohan kids look reasonably normal without interference (and DNA) from Dina.

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