Irritating Jessica Alba To Have Irritating Baby

December 12th, 2007 // 10 Comments


Jessica Alba’s reps have confirmed that she’s with child. Yay. Seriously, I can’t think of a more cutesy hellish “being pretty is hard” celebrity. The father is her on again/off again boyfriend Cash Warren. She’s due in the spring or summer, and this will cut short her plans to star on Broadway in “Speed-the-Plow”. So the Great White Way can heave a sigh of relief because she can’t act. For real. Have you see the ad for that dumbass looking medical thriller with Anakin Skywalker? And she bends down by his gurney and she’s like “I’ll be waiting for you when you wake up” in that insufferable baby voice that some women think is cute. It’s not cute. It deserves a shovel wallop. Anyway, congrats on the baby.

By J. Harvey

  1. Georgia

    Well here’s to not knowing what you’re worth, MY GOD, I heard she was stupid in real life, but this takes the cake.

    Babies are such an life altering decision, didn’t anyone ever tell her that when the two of them eventually break up, Cash will forever be in her life for the rest of her life?

    not only do you have to physically see him on the week-ends, he’s replica going to be living there with you everyday to remind you of your intelligent choices.

    hate to sound harsh, but let’s be real-USE YOUR MIND JESS !THINK!

  2. Applespice

    OMG J. Harvey you crack me up. Such a degrading post and then ending it with a casual’anyways, congrats on the baby’

    that was great.

  3. sewsweet

    the movie wasnt that bad, though i did see it stoned. her acting was atrocious, this is true. hayden pulled it off i think.

  4. Mark

    I just have a few things to say:

    1. Career destroyer! She’ll no longer be “that hot chick” Now she’ll be someone’s mother. It really does kind of ruin the fantasy.
    2. I am preparing myself for 9 horrible months of baby bump watching. Uggh!
    3. Way to go and ensure spousal support there Cash. Knock her up so she has to get married, divorce her and live off the support.

  5. MardiGras

    Yet another child conceived by two unmarried Hollywood dimwits who can’t even make up their minds if they even want to be together. “On-again, off-again” is not the kind of a relationship a child should be born into.

  6. Chaz

    Looks like Cash Warren sped up the plow before she could dump him a second time. As a result, he’s entered the Federline nirvana of never having to accomplish anything ever again. Big ups to the sperm donor.

  7. devil

    Jessica Alba didn’t need to get pregnant to derail her acting career. She was gonna be in “Speed the Plow” which is bad enough. Remember what that play did for Madonna’s “acting career” way back when?

    Cash Warren looks like a Donny Osmond copycat-wannabe.

  8. Georgia your an idiot maybe she has morals and did not want an sbortion and it was an slip up.

    I wil have to admit I never saw her getting married. She is cute but that will be an ugly kid both those chins and noses not a good look.

  9. Loob

    “shovel wallop”. Snort! I love J.Harv.

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