Oprah Winfrey Must Be Thrilled This Morning

The results of the Iowa caucuses are in and Oprah Winfrey’s golden boy Barack Obama sailed to victory last night for the Democratic party, winning over 38% of the vote. He beat out Hilary Clinton and John Edwards. The Republican winner was former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee who beat former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney. Both candidates have been previously accused of being far too inexperienced to run for the presidency but apparently they’re doing something right. “We have chosen hope over fear. We have chosen unity over division and sent a powerful message that change is coming to America,” Obama told supporters. Was Barack’s wife allowed to hug him first, or did Oprah muscle her ass out of the way? Ok, that’s all I have. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to report on something import? How am I supposed to stay shallow having to report on issues of vital importance to our nation?