Imagine Lady Gaga & Justin Bieber Talking Hermaphrodite Rumors

Justin Bieber has been pronounced dead, which was wrong. Then the rumor was that he had syphilis, of which we have no proof one way or another. Now comes the word that he is a hermaphrodite.

These rumors are totally uncalled for. If anything, Justin Bieber is just a girl. I mean, that haircut? Is he Blair’s cousin Geri from The Facts of Life? I kid. His haircut is way worse than that.

Let’s imagine the phone call between the two hermaphrodites themselves, Lady Gaga and the Biebs:

Biebs: Hi, Gaga. It’s JB. They say I’ve got multiple doll parts in my ‘down theres.’

Gaga: Ra ra oo la la!

Biebs: No, I’m not asking you out on a date. You’re like my mom’s age. But seriously, how do I get them to stop saying I have a pee-pee and a Hot Pocket?

Gaga: What if you embrace it and wear costumes made out of genitals? Not to shock people of course, but because it’s ‘art.’

Biebs: Like fingerpainting?

Gaga: Precisely, but with a clitoris.

Biebs: What’s that? Is that a real word even? Well, it’s 8:30 and I have to go to bed. Tweet me your ideas! (Hangs up)

Gaga: …This will be even bigger than my collaboration with Beyonce. Huzzah!

Well, I can dream, can’t I? See pics of the Biebs performing in concert this week!