These rumors are totally uncalled for. If anything, Justin Bieber is just a girl. I mean, that haircut? Is he Blair’s cousin Geri from The Facts of Life? I kid. His haircut is way worse than that.
Let’s imagine the phone call between the two hermaphrodites themselves, Lady Gaga and the Biebs:
Biebs: Hi, Gaga. It’s JB. They say I’ve got multiple doll parts in my ‘down theres.’
Gaga: Ra ra oo la la!
Biebs: No, I’m not asking you out on a date. You’re like my mom’s age. But seriously, how do I get them to stop saying I have a pee-pee and a Hot Pocket?
Gaga: What if you embrace it and wear costumes made out of genitals? Not to shock people of course, but because it’s ‘art.’
Biebs: Like fingerpainting?
Gaga: Precisely, but with a clitoris.
Biebs: What’s that? Is that a real word even? Well, it’s 8:30 and I have to go to bed. Tweet me your ideas! (Hangs up)
Gaga: …This will be even bigger than my collaboration with Beyonce. Huzzah!
Well, I can dream, can’t I? See pics of the Biebs performing in concert this week!