If Suri Cruise Had A Burn Book…

If you haven’t already, I implore you to head over to Suri’s Burn Book, a Tumblr account that answers the question, “What would Suri Cruise think about this outfit?”  Here, you find biting comments about Hollywood’s more unfortunate offspring, as imagined from the perspective of Cruise herself.  The site’s headline, popping out from a teal blue background, reads: “JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE A FERRAGAMO HANDBAG DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN BEHAVE LIKE A CHILD (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, SHILOH).”

PHOTOS: Just Another Celebrity Kid Hanging Out In Her Dad’s Trailer

Some excerpts:

(Denise Richards and her daughters seen walking through LAX): Distressed boyfriend jeans, sweatpants, and (vomit) Ugg boots. If you didn’t recognize these people, you would think they were homeless. I mean, they’re flying commercial, so I guess they’re pretty close to homeless.”

(Jennifer Garner picks daughter Violet up from school): “I could never go to a working class school. The whole “lunch in a box” thing gives me the shivers.”

(Suri spotted wear flat shoes while out with mom Katie Holmes):Pardon my sensible flats. I was not expecting to be photographed at the market. Clearly, Katie wasn’t planning on being seen, either.”

(Angelina Jolie and her kids wait in line at the aquarium): Waiting in line! How adorable! I’ve never done this, but it looks like fun. Hehehe just kidding. It looks like socialism. And Shiloh—pointing is rude. I know your mom’s lips make her look like a fish, but the real ones are INSIDE the aquarium.”

(Melissa Joan Hart poses with her husband and two kids in matching plaid shirts at American Eagle): “I don’t know what’s more offensive: the matching plaid or that this photo was taken at the launch of American Eagle’s children’s line.Retail makes my skin crawl.  Also, who are these people?”

Classic Suri.