Heidi Montag Declares ‘Fashion’

June 23rd, 2008 // 19 Comments

Yay! She knows her name! And a word!

It’s fashion! Heidi Montag’s new single entitled “Fashion” sounds like what would happen if Special Needs Barbie were magically granted the ability to talk. After listening to this, I’m now convinced that the poor thing can’t actually read.

She attempts to adapt some sort of cutesy accent while listing high-end designer labels, each of whom should sue this dimwit for mangling their names so badly. To be fair, trying to talk with those horse veneers in her mouth probably makes for crummy diction.

We condone listening to this in order to understand what we’re making fun of it, but under no circumstances is anyone allowed to purchase this shit. Unless you have pigeons on your ledge who refuse to leave and you need something to scare them away.

By Lisa Timmons
asl

  1. misslala

    There are just not words. I am truly speechless. Why would anyone DO this? I actually felt my face turn red and I felt like I needed to crawl under my desk I am so embarassed for her! And her unborn children! And her family! Did she really listen to this and think, “Wow, this is going to be a SMASH HIT!!!”?

  2. misslala

    There are just not words. I am truly speechless. Why would anyone DO this? I actually felt my face turn red and I felt like I needed to crawl under my desk I am so embarassed for her! And her unborn children! And her family! Did she really listen to this and think, “Wow, this is going to be a SMASH HIT!!!”?

  3. gumball

    She’s right up there with the raving self-review talents of Parasite, if only we weren’t so jealous of them.

  4. Sarah O.

    Okay. So. The first time I listened to it (on ImNotObsessed.com) I made it only 1:08 into it. Then, I gently pressed “pause” and had a new set of ears installed. Now, I made it the whole way through. My ears literally hurt, like really, they’re pulsing and ringing. It’s the song. It sounds like a song made for a bad Disney movie montage where the unpopular girl that’s in 7th grade gets to go to a big store and try on hundreds of dresses and it’s all like “Oh, look at me being such a grown-up! I’m 13! I can So pull off this $5,000 dress! Hehe! Maybe Mark will hold my hand if I wear this!” and crap, and then when she’s at the actual dance she’s wearing a dress from “Stuff by Duff” from wal-mart.

    Sorry for the rant. I’m drunk.

  5. lpf

    She looks beautiful. I saw her profile on dating site “W e a l t h y L o v I n g . c o m ” last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.

  6. ellie

    sounds to me like she wants a bunch of free designer clothes.
    i really can’t stand that woman. she makes a mockery out of LIVING.

  7. Ack!

    HA! My dog actually woke up and left the room.

  8. 2 Old 4 This

    I can’t bring myself to listen to it but I must applaud those that did & commented.

    I hope some more ASL readers torture themselves and comment for my entertainment.
    Is that selfish? I’m sorry.

    Seriously, thanks to you posters for taking one for the team. I appreciate your sacrifices.

    Comedy GOLD!!

  9. Melafi

    Wow. I have no idea why I just subjected myself to that crap. I totally agree with Sarah O, that was some Disney montage music. I enjoy watching Heidi do things like this because it makes me feel better about myself, but I really wish she and her Furby lookalike boyfriend would just go away.

  10. Paige

    I find it kind of ironic how she said she made her “clothing” line less expensive than Lauren’s because “everyone should be able to have nice clothes” and “not everyone can afford a $200 dress.” But yet in this song…….

  11. brainless

    i don’t want to see her…..in fashion or otherwise. i wish she and that stupid f*ck that’s always with her would drop off the face of the earth.
    one would think she/they would be so embarrassed by this and every other publicity seeking stunt pulled. do they not have a brain in either of their heads? no, forget i asked.

  12. Elaine

    I think I just threw up in my mouth listening to this.

  13. rob

    lmao the future hannah montana

  14. Cat

    No, I don’t want to “see those clothes” on her. I want them soaked in chloroform and shoved down her throat!

    Yeesh!

  15. AnneM

    Wow, and I thought the Brady Kids were bad.

    I was wrong, compared to this, they rock!!

  16. Rusty cummer

    I just cummed on her face. I can do her multiple times a day.

    ohh yeah…. ohh…yeaaaahhhh…… yeah baby… yeah… yyyeeeeeaaaahhhhhh…..

  17. Michelle

    WHY???????????????? do people still give her an ounce of time and time in the spotlite. OMG it’s maddening the powers at be think someone as Heidi is in anyway a celebrity or worthy of being in the likes of reallllllll celebrities and people with talent. I can’t wait for the day when Heidi DOG and Spencer (Nasty as ever) are never talked about or photoed again. I canceled a couple of mag subscriptions because they thought these two should be in them.

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