Gwyneth Stops Burning The American Flag Long Enough to Defend Lohan’s Crazy Ass

January 29th, 2007 // 3 Comments


Sundance is a time for celebrities to come together and experience the good shit that the Park City, Utah coke dealers have to offer, attend a couple of films, just to go to the parties, get free swag, and give each other oral in the press. Paltrow read some kids a story, and took the opportunity to throw her two cents in by defending Lindsay Lohan’s recent dramatics.

“My prediction is that Lindsay Lohan, she’ll figure it out,” the Academy Award winning actress told Entertainment Tonight. “It’s really, really hard to be so young and so in the public eye and I think it’s very confusing.”

What the fuck did she have to figure out? You’re getting paid gigantic amounts of cash to stand in front of a camera and sorta convincingly recite lines. What’s to figure? What’s so confusing? How to avoid the coke cut with baby laxative and make damn sure you have a morning after pill ready? Good lord, these people have it way too easy. Work at a friggin’ McDonald’s for a week and then talk to me.

By J. Harvey

  1. -A

    I say Victoria Beckham needs to drop her career as a fashion whatever she is, and become a personal lifestyle coach to all the Tabloid fodder celebs in Hollywood. Seriously, it’d be a fun social experiment. Plus I’ve always wondered what Paris/Lohan/Britney/Scarlet would look like dressed up like constipated robots who scowl at the paparatzi. At least they’d wear undeware and not look like train wrecks 24/7. But then again what fun would they be?

  2. sandy

    God I love you J. Harvey–you are so funny!!
    I love reading your work. You’re great!

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