Gwyneth Paltrow Uses Deadly Snake Venom To Stem The Inevitable Tide Of Hag

Jesus H. Christ! Paltrow was seen purchasing face cream that contained deadly snake venom. These crazy women would rub angry bees on their face if someone told them it would remove wrinkles so they could do a few more shitty movies and not look like Betty White.

A spy at Sonya Dakkar spa in Beverly Hills said Pal trow, a frequent customer, walked out with a line of Ultra Lux 9 products – including a cream that contains the spit of a snake. “It’s not Botox,” said one insider. “Just a cream that has the venom in it . . . [the cream] is part of the facials.”

Why not just go the whole hog and try to snog a coral snake? I kinda wish they would.