Guy From Prison Break Officially Charged

March 8th, 2007 // 9 Comments

Lane Garrison of Prison Break has been officially charged with vehicular manslaughter. Now would be the time to invest in a buttplug with some chains and a padlock on it, Whitey.

Lane Garrison has just been charged with vehicular manslaughter in connection with a fatal car crash in Beverly Hills in December that left one of his three teenage passengers dead.

Garrison is scheduled to voluntarily turn himself over to authorities sometime in the next two hours.

If convicted, Garrison faces a maximum of 6 years in prison.

Seriously, he’s cutesy. He’ll go down quick. Way down. Tossing salad down. Godspeed, pretty boy. I’ve seen “OZ.” I know what happens. It’s why prison is my worst fear. I don’t even like to take the tags off mattresses. I mean, yeah, I’m into dudes but not dudes who are breaking my limbs so I can’t prevent myself from being raped while a toothbrush shaped into a shank is held to my swanlike neck.

By J. Harvey

  1. Jennyo

    What makes me mad is that this could just as easily have been Nicole Richie or Paris Hilton, and NOTHING will happen to them. Bitches.

  2. rootabega

    i just guffawed at work. Love u J!!!

  3. rootabega

    i just guffawed at work. J please bear my children!

  4. rootabega

    i just guffawed at work. J u are hysterical!

  5. rootabega

    oops, didnt mean to leave 80 comments, ovbiously im insane.

  6. AppleSpice

    OMG I just laughed so hard and now my co-workers are staring at me… lmao. I love your writing J. Harvey!

  7. stolidog

    mmmm. salad.

  8. P

    “Shank” – glad I just read that again because I totally forgot about my current situation. As an expat American living in Northern England, I always laugh at many of the toilets. Why? Because the logo on em is “Shank”.

  9. Jinxy McDeath

    Swanlike neck… *chortle*

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