Guy From Prison Break Officially Charged

Lane Garrison of Prison Break has been officially charged with vehicular manslaughter. Now would be the time to invest in a buttplug with some chains and a padlock on it, Whitey.

Lane Garrison has just been charged with vehicular manslaughter in connection with a fatal car crash in Beverly Hills in December that left one of his three teenage passengers dead.

Garrison is scheduled to voluntarily turn himself over to authorities sometime in the next two hours.

If convicted, Garrison faces a maximum of 6 years in prison.

Seriously, he’s cutesy. He’ll go down quick. Way down. Tossing salad down. Godspeed, pretty boy. I’ve seen “OZ.” I know what happens. It’s why prison is my worst fear. I don’t even like to take the tags off mattresses. I mean, yeah, I’m into dudes but not dudes who are breaking my limbs so I can’t prevent myself from being raped while a toothbrush shaped into a shank is held to my swanlike neck.