Grease Brothers Broke As A Joke

August 20th, 2007 // 10 Comments

And it couldn’t have happened to two more respectable, clean-cut guys. The oily Davis brothers are reportedly toe-up money-wise, and running around cashing checks in small amounts because the parentals have cut them off. I would, too. Those bitches need jobs! They need to get their fat asses behind a Starbucks’ counter and learn how it is for the real people of the world! Also, Brandon Davis is sporting a shiner that his Dad might have given him. Dad’s a little late on administering the beatings, but I applaud his efforts to catch up.

Bloody-eyed Brandon Davis – whose shiner suggests he’s still recovering from the fight he had with his dad last month – isn’t the only Davis oil heir to be cut off from family funds. Sources told Page Six his brother, Jason, is also feeling the purse pinch. The two have both been spotted in Hollywood, cashing checks in small amounts. “The checks were not from their family,” said one spy. Friends of the Davis clan deny any of the Hollywood kin have been cut off from the cash well (though it’s not like anyone would blame the family if they were). Brandon did not respond to messages on his cellphone.

Why don’t these two collaborate on a hideous clothing line or do Jenny Craig spokewhoring or something? Then they would at least be earning a respectable living. Instead of being down at the bodega trying to convince the cashier that the check for 10 grand is real. Normally I would be into tubby bitches but Jason Davis could stand to lose a few so maybe being broke is good for him. Now he’s graduated to just wearing a sarong. When you start just wrapping bolts of cloth around yourself, you’ve essentially given up.

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. green cardigan

    Davis Brother Job Options:

    (a)Brandon could start bottling his copious sweat , stick a label on it and call it ‘Eau de Davis’.

    (b) Jason could paint himself black and white and give whale performances in an amusement park.

    (c) Brandon could turn up at Grand Openings dressed up as Elvis.

    (c) A reality show involving both of them, locked in an empty house for 3 weeks with 10 cans of corned beef between them and only tap water to drink.

    They have many options. Go forth an work boys!

  2. GirlyGirl

    Somewhere in paradise little birdies are singing and great big beautiful rainbows are sprouting up everywhere and small Bambi-like woodland creatures are celebrating the realization of karma on the Davis brothers.

    Score one for fire-crotch.

  3. lisabeth

    Dare I say that one of the grease brothers has lost some weight..and is GASP…looking…ok??

  4. Zekers

    Didn’t the older one just get married? I’m trying to imagine who or what would curl up with this…guy.

  5. ZeldaF

    “Schadenfreude”: a German word meaning ‘pleasure taken from someone else’s misfortune’”. I’m guilty. Seems Jason is not so annoying, but that Brandon, such an absolute ASS. Only a year ago, life was SO good for Paris, Brandon, Nicole & Lindsay. Look where they are today. There’s a lot to be said for behaving well in public.

  6. I’m going to quote Dean Wormer from “Animal House” on this one: “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”

  7. green cardigan

    Magnus – Great quote and so apt !

  8. essie

    Zekers, an older brother did marry a few months ago. However, not either of these two!! They have an older brother who actually graduated from college, has a real job and married a nice girl. Unfortunately, Greasy Elvis Brandon acted a fool at the reception and had to be thrown out. If I remember correctly, his Daddy beat him up then.

    What are these fools going to do when they hit 30?

  9. Zekers

    I don’t think they will make it to thirty Essie, just look at ‘em!
    “Live fast, die young, leave a good-looking corpse.” …hmmm, that just doesn’t seem to apply here…

  10. Digitalskull

    The photo of him in the chair makes him look like Jiminy Glick enjoying a two month binder

Leave A Comment