Goodbye Amanda Hesser

purplehesserOur beloved Amanda Hesser wrote her last review for The New York Times. She reviewed Masa, but neglected to give it a star rating:

“After several visits, my impressions are firm: four stars when dining at the sushi bar and three stars at the tables. If forced, I could settle on one, but I would rather not. Instead, I will look forward to reading, in the future, what The Times’s new permanent critic, Frank Bruni, thinks of it.”

How utterly lame.

So here’s tribute to Amanda, sung to the tune of “Candle in the Wind.”

“Goodbye Amanda H”

Goodbye Amanda H
Though I never knew you at all
You had the audacity to write reviews
While those around you balked
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered that you were lame
They set you on the treadmill
Made you hang your head in shame

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a breadstick in the basket
Never knowing who to cling to
When the backlash set in
And I would have liked to have known you
Oh who am I to kid
Your talent burned out long before
Your Masa review ever hit

Smugness was tough
The toughest role you ever played
New York created a monster
And your job was the price you paid
Even when you cried
Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to say
Was that Amanda was found at Mickey D’s

Goodbye Amanda H
From the socialite in the glass house
Who sees you as something as more than a pretentious bitch
More than just our Amanda H