We were going to call this post “The Golden Globes Fashion Disasters,” but we opted on being nice and just called the following looks “The Misses.” Lisa Timmons, J. Harvey, and our Fashion Editor Cara Harrington try and make sense of it all.
“Big Love” contingent
Lisa Timmons: It almost looks like life imitating art, with Jeanne Tripplehorn putting on a good face in her classic black dress, while Chloe Sevigny and Ginnifer Goodwin sullenly pose for the cameras. They both seem a little pissed that they were forced into trendy-looking outfits while Wife Numero Uno got first dibs on the most flattering dress.
Jay Harvey: Chloe Sevigny is crazy as hell, and thinks she’s on Rome with those shoes. I love her completely. The one in the middle wants people to know her name, but buying off the rack isn’t going to help her in that capacity. If I was one of those people that the other rags employ to read body language, I would assume that Jeanne Tripplehorn is very depressed, and doesn’t like these two. She’s trying to distance herself as much as she can without looking rude, and that plain black dress tells me she isn’t even trying anymore. Why didn’t she just wear sweats and carry around a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and curl up in a fetal position on the red carpet?
Cara Harrington: Topping my worst dressed list is the three women of “Big Love” easily taking home the award for wearing a mess of ugly. Chloe’s dress was mildly acceptable but the shoes were awful.Did her stylist find those at the $2 bin at K-Mart? My philosophy on chunky heels is simply no,no,no. The layers of black straps complete the mess that only slightly distracts you from her two toned jewelry. Ginnifer Goodwin was slightly worse in a metallic caramel color which was clashing with her skin tone. The little black vinyl belt took her over the top crossing into the lines of gaudy.
Find out who else made the “Miss List” after the jump.
LT: Young Abigail Breslin of “Little Miss Sunshine” fame seems to be playing it safe here in this simple turquoise number. What she should be doing is embracing her sexuality instead of hiding behind so many layers. I’d like to see her vamping it up a bit more. Age-appropriate clothing is so overrated and so…Dakota Fanning.
JH: God, why is she dressed so whorishly? That’s really inapproppriate. Where’s her mother at?
CH: While I can’t bring myself to pick on little girls who still have some innocence about them so I will leave Abigal alone and just leave it at the fact that she wore a little jacket because she was cold.
LT: Cameron Diaz looks more like a dessert than a woman making her first awards show appearance after the announcement of her break-up from Justin Timberlake. Instead of wearing the cupcake, Cameron should have eaten it at home in the dark, while watching “Bridget Jones’ Diary,” like a normal person.
JH: This is what happens when your younger boyfriend dumps you for a girl with larger breasts who’s younger. She couldn’t even see what she was putting on through the tears.
CH: Cameron Diaz almost had something going but then rolled in some tulle that mated with the dress to create an odd look. The dress appeared to be inside out and I found it seemed out of place. Not to mention it looked like she forgot to brush her hair into an elegant do to match the crowd.
Heidi Klum and Seal
LT: I don’t know that I’m thinking these two are wearing bad outfits per se, I just think maybe their emsembles make it look like their theme of the evening consists of exaggerating the fact that they’re an interracial couple.
JH: Are they trying to be cute and be the ying/yang symbol or some shit? Stop.
CH: Heidi Klum, oh how disappointing. She and Seal are always a gorgeous couple but the ebony and ivory concept just didn’t work for me. I could get over the fact she was draped in some Isaac Mizrahi Target bed sheets, but the gloves? What’s going on there? Was she meeting the Queen Mum later for tee?
LT: Beyonce’s strategy was clearly to win the Golden Globe by being the Golden Globe.
JH: This one needs to take a break. Just take a break and sit down for a couple of months. Yes, shiny sex dress. There, there. Sit down
CH: And Beyonce…..oh “B” what were you thinking? Stripper chic only works for porn stars and Pamela Anderson. Everything about the dress was wrong. The awful color, the halter plunge, the draping of fabric off her rump was all vulgar for her. I am blaming this one on Mama Knowles.
LT: Sickly-looking Jeremy Irons musters all the strength leftover from having to lift the arms of his ridiculously oversized jacket to hoist his Golden Globe in the air. Two minutes later, he passed out on the ground in a puddle of his own strange outfit.
JH: Where’s the cool guy who was in Dead Ringers, and that Klaus Von Bulow movie? He looks like goddamn Dracula. But not hot 70′s Frank Langella Dracula. More like gay uncle community theatre Dracula.
CH: Jeremy Irons looked like he borrowed Hamlet’s stylist for the night. Or perhaps he was going for pirate haute. I like the long jacket despite the Captain Jack Sparrow look of it. But the cuffs on his shirt were gi-normous and beyond over the top. He crossed the line of edgy and waved goodbye to it as he crossed into the land Couture Shakespeare in the park.