Giada De Laurentiis: E.T. Gave Birth

March 31st, 2008 // 18 Comments

I’m sorry, but bitch always looks like she just phoned home. And her teeth scare me. Look, it’s Monday and I’m a little twatty. Popular Food Network chef Giada De Laurentiis gave birth to a baby girl on Saturday in Los Angeles.

Her new daughter with husband Todd Thompson, Jade Marie De Laurentiis Thompson, came in at 5lbs, 13oz. “Marie” is perfect for when you want to yell at a kid. “Jade Marie, you get off that phone right now! Jade Marie Thompson, I FORBID you to date that boy! Jade Marie, abortion is not the answer!”

Giada craved steak during her pregnancy and about it said, “I couldn’t be more excited about being pregnant. … I can’t wait to meet her.”

Does anyone watch her show where she goes away for the weekend and wines and dines herself? Did you see the one where she went to the olive oil testing at the vineyard in Napa and the crazy bitch running it made everyone intake air through the olive oil they were tasting and they all had to make these hissing sounds like one of those dentistry saliva-sucking hoses? Poor Giada looked like she wanted to slap the bitch for making her look stupid. I love television.

Pregnancy made her “jug-time Charlies” look amazing. That’s a quote from a straight friend. I still think she looks like she’s been riding in the basket on the front of Elliot’s dirt bike.

Photos: WENN

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. bambam

    she’s not that bad lookn. but she could get some work done.. has anybody heard that kim kardashian is having a baby with reggie. i dont know i might be crazy.

  2. Krystyn

    every person I know inherits the middle name Marie whenever I’m mad at them. Even the dog, who is male and his name is Oliver.

    I’ve been known to yell out Oliver Marie! at him…

    huh, someone should look into why wrath feels so much better being taken out on a Marie….

  3. bkmagnolia

    “jug-time Charlies?” that’s a new one for me.

  4. Persistent Cat

    Her head is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too big for her teeny tiny body.

  5. Bill Cosby

    haha Jug-time Charlies. Your friend must be very handsome and not overweight at all.
    I’m praying for the day some chef at the Food Networks goes bananas foster and starts hacking everyone to bits. I’ll totally dive in the dumpster to fish out Giada’s dismembered yum-yum sacks.

  6. pinkydinky

    Thank goodness for Giada’s “jug time charlies”! If it were not for them, my hubby would not watch Everyday Italian and I would not get to eat the scrumptious dishes that he cooks up! She is a very talented cook. She and her hubby have been together since she was in high school. I love her clothes.

  7. shonuff

    she’s a chef, cooks work at applebees.

  8. Momo

    Does anyone else thinks she’s somewhat OCD? Check out the way she cuts stuff, everything has to be even and clean…but I loveeee her show. I think her jaw is the thing that ruins her face.

  9. Zelda F.

    I can’t believe anyone would say there’s anything wrong with her looks!!! She needs NO work. Good grief, she’s DARLING! (but I agree, she does have a large head, which works well in television). She’s a perfect example of a hot Italian woman – I think Italy has a monopoly on hot looking women (I’m straight, but traveled to Italy many times and am always amazed at how beautiful the women are!! – don’t even get me started on the MEN!!!!). And, she cooks really good, really healthy and very classic. “Shonuff” is 100% correct, she’s a chef, not a cook. Anyway, Congratulations to Giada and her hubby on a beautiful, bouncing, baby girl.

  10. nannygoat

    The way she says mozzarella drives me bonkers… ahhhhhhhhhh!!

  11. nannygoat

    The way she says mozzarella drives me bonkers… ahhhhhhhhhh!!

  12. I Hate You

    I totally hate her. How could you not be jealous? The girl can eat whatever she wants and not gain weight! Did she sell her soul to the devil?

  13. TKM

    Am I the only one who’s noticed that she either has the longest torso ever or the shortest arms? I don’t think she could get things out of her pants pockets without leaning over. Check it out sometime!! Freaks me OUT!

  14. meg brady

    Any one that thinks that Giada needs work is just jealous. Giada is beautiful and a very talented chef. I would give anything to have her beauty and metabolism.

    Hey nannygoat, have you ever heard a real Italian person speak?

  15. GIADA DE LAURENTIIS HATER

    GIADA IS A WHO.RE.,SL.UT.,BIT.CH. AND CU.NT. GIADA IS UGLY,FAT AND FUGLY. I HATE GIADA. TOO BAD GIADA DIDN’T DIE FROM CHILD BIRTH COMPLICATIONS. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
    -AHAHAHAHAHAHA. TOO BAD GIADA DIDN’T
    DIE DURING CHILD BIRTH. BWAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

  16. anonymous

    give me a f***in break that girl doesn’t even eat!! and her craving for “sweets” ha! is about as fake as her italian accent she uses on the show.. she’s the biggest liar i’ve EVER met!!!! she eats like a fruit a day thats how she looks soooo skinny. a bobble head with tits. she only wears those tops so that show gets viewed other than that she should go off the air and focus on taking care of her child! (since she has two nannies.) she might be surprisingly good at than cooking. i’ve tasted her food and it taste like sh**.

  17. anonymous

    give me a f***in break that girl doesn’t even eat!! and her craving for “sweets” ha! is about as fake as her italian accent she uses on the show.. she’s the biggest liar i’ve EVER met!!!! she eats like a fruit a day thats how she looks soooo skinny. a bobble head with tits. she only wears those tops so that show gets viewed other than that she should go off the air and focus on taking care of her child! (since she has two nannies.) she might be surprisingly good at than cooking. i’ve tasted her food and it taste like sh**.

  18. /daysha

    you people are really hateful i think she is beautiful!!!!

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